Square Peg in a Round Hole

That is the best description I can come up with for my experience this afternoon.  I have had off and on pain in my neck for a few years now.  My dad has a history of neck issues and has had surgery to correct bulging discs, so I wanted to get things checked out to be on the safe side.  About a month ago I called and made an appointment with a neurologist.  I met with him two weeks ago and he ordered an MRI.  I went in this afternoon to have this done and will meet with him tomorrow to get the results.  No big deal, right?  HA.... Little did I know.  I thought I would show up, lay down, have them do a quick scan of my neck and be on my merry way, but as most things turn out for me, what I expected was not at all what happened.  First of all, I was escorted by a nurse back to a small room where she instructed me to get undressed.  "Uhmmm, hold up. I am here for an MRI.  I think you have the wrong person."  Before I could say this, she handed me a pair of scrubs to put on and then told me to leave all of my belongings in the locker and then take a seat in the maroon wheelchair at the end of the hallway.  "Again, I am here to have an MRI.  Is there a reason why I would need to be seated in a wheelchair?"  I followed her instructions and took my seat in the wheelchair and waited for the technician to come get me.  While I was sitting there I started thinking, "She did tell me to take my bra off, right?  Why are there needles on this table next to me?  Have these scrubs been washed?"  Terry, the technician, comes out and informs me that my doctor has ordered some of the scans to be done with contrast, so she will need to give me an IV.  "For the love!  I am here to have an MRI.  Why didn't someone inform me that I would have to strip down, put on questionable scrubs, and then get a needle jabbed in my arm?"  I am 30 years old.  I am 6 feet tall.  I ain't no tiny girl, but when it comes to needles I suddenly convert to a 3 year old.  So far, this whole breeze in, lay down, breeze out plan of mine was not happening.  Terry finishes jabbing me and leads me into the room with the previously mentioned "round hole" that the "square peg" (otherwise known as my 6 foot body) would soon be rammed into, kind of like a cannonball.  Terry ushers me over to the table and tells me to lay down on my back.  She then informs me that the machine is quite loud and gives me some earplugs to wear.  She puts some cushions on either side of my head to hold it in place and then tells me that when I hear the machine running the scans I need to try not to swallow, clear my throat, or move at all.  "Uhm, okay.  Hey, Terry, you're kinda starting to freak me out a little."  Breathe in, breathe out.  Then she places a metal shield over my face (which of course in my mind looks like the mask Hannibal Lecter is forced to wear) and then tells me she is going to slide me into the machine.  First she hooks a chord to my questionable scrub pants and tells me that if at any time I think I need out I just have to push the button.  She slides the table in (and by slides, I mean rams Spongebob Square Merts into the cannon).  As she is pushing (ramming) me in, she casually informs me that my arms will be touching the side of the machine (cannon).  I open my eyes to see the top of the machine roughly .002 mm from my face.  I am pretty sure I could have kissed it had it not been for my Hannibal mask.  I hear the machine cut on and give it about 3 seconds before I begin frantically pushing my "emergency evacuation" button.  I break out in a sweat and feel like if Terry doesn't get me out of the cannon stat I am going to suffocate.  Terry comes over the speaker and asks if I'm okay.  "Uhm, NO!  No, I am most certainly not okay."  She pulls me out and removes my Hannibal mask.  I gulp air and begin to plan my escape, but Terry is not willing to let me go without a fight.  She finally convinces me that I can do it.  She turns on a fan at the other end of the machine and gets me set to go back into the cannon.  I take deep breaths and then declare that I can do this.  It is 22 minutes.  I can do it.  I squeeze my eyes shut and she slides (rams) me back in.  About halfway through I squint out of one eye and quickly realize that the key to my successful MRI is keeping my eyes closed.  And the next thing I know, it's over.  Terry comes in and pulls me out of the cannon, yanks the tape off my arm, slides the IV out, and sends me back to my changing room.  I get changed  and stagger out of the office wondering what Terry might be blogging about tonight.

"Real"ationship

"And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness." - Colossians 2:6-7

I became a Christian when I was 8 years old. I remember that Sunday well. I had my Jem Barbie doll with me and clung to her as I walked to the front of the church to tell Brother Mickey that I was ready to be baptized. (I am pretty sure that a large part of this decision was influenced by the fact that my older sister had made this decision recently and I didn't want to be left out.) I stood at the front of the church and got lots of handshakes and hugs after the service and a few weeks later I stepped foot into the baptismal and made my public profession of faith before getting dunked. I had prayed the prayer of salvation and been baptized, which in my 8 year old mind was all I needed to do.

But this thinking lacked roots and a foundation on him. Instead, over the next several years, God was a part of my life, but not necessarily the foundation that I built everything else on.

Over the past 22 years God has brought different people and experiences into my life that have shown me that yes, I was saved, but there was so much more He wanted for me to have. He wanted a relationship with me. He wanted me to have an amazing testimony of things that could only be explained by His power.

I could share lots of stories with you of some of these people or experiences, but that would take way too long, so I will just focus on this past year. About two years ago I went through a bit of an emotional come-apart. I was depressed and broken-hearted. It was during that time that I pulled out my Bible and clung to God's promises that He loved me unconditionally and had a "peace that passes all understanding" for me. This time was difficult for me, but I wouldn't trade it for anything because it ignited a new fire in my heart to become closer to Jesus and to experience a true relationship with Him. Fast forward a year and I was kicking off 2011 with a desire to see God move in my life.

Over the past year God has used several new friends in my life to draw me closer to Him. I began asking God some hard questions (What does true faith and trust and dependence on You look like? How can I ask for the desires of my heart without knowing if You will fulfill those desires?) and really seeking the answers in His word. In all of my searching I simply felt God whispering to me, "Come closer. Press into me. I have something so beautiful planned for you." And in that process God really started to change the desires of my heart. I now come to Him and say, "I want what You want," whereas before that totally freaked me out. What if He wanted me to be single for the rest of my life? What if He wanted me to move somewhere scary by myself and be a missionary? What if He wanted me to do the impossible? When my mind swirled with these anxious thoughts, He would again whisper to me, "Trust and obey. Have I not been faithful? From my vantage point I can see what's coming, and even if you don't think you can handle it, I know you can and I will be with you every step of the way."

I have been challenged, convicted, and encouraged over the past year in ways that I never have before. I have begun to experience a "real"ationship with God that is full of grace and love and excitement. I have planted those roots in Him and made Him my foundation. The amazing ways that God moved in my life during 2011 only causes me to wait expectantly for what He has in store for 2012.

"In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." - Psalm 5:3

Trust and Obey

What would you do if you were 18 and felt God calling you to spend a year in Uganda?

What would you do if you were a young girl living in Uganda and felt God calling you to build your life there?

What if you were 21 and now a mother of 13 girls?

What if...

Catchin' Up (Some More)

Read the post under this one first if you haven't already (yes, I actually posted something else). Feel free to insert a snarky comment here.

So anyway, here is the rest of my completed list:

#9 - Check (again) In my previous post I mentioned a road trip with my sister this summer, but there are two other trips that I had to mention. In October I went on a cruise with 3 other friends from church. Our cruise left out of New Orleans and we ended up going to Progreso due to a hurricane (we were supposed to go to Cozumel). We had a great time and it was a perfect break from school.

In December my best friend, Stacey, and I went on a road trip to Nashville for the weekend. We toured the Opryland Hotel and saw the Rockettes. It was a blast to get out of town for the weekend with her.

#13, 14, and 24 - DONE

I finally finished off the Growth Track at church by attending Discovery 301 (where you take a spiritual gifts assessment to determine what areas you can best serve in at the church) and Dream Team 401 (which allows you to talk with leaders from lots of different service areas at the church). I signed up to become a greeter (yes, like the friendly folks at Wal Mart) and started doing that back in the summer. It has been great to welcome other people into my church that I love and I have enjoyed meeting some new people. That covers 13, 14, and 24.

#11 - Volunteer for something new: Ongoing

Last January God really laid on my heart to become more servant minded. We live in such a "me" focused society and it is easy to become very focused on what I want and what I think I need or even deserve, but God really opened my eyes to the fact that I am called to be His servant and a servant to His people. I asked Him to begin showing me opportunities to be His hands and feet to others. Of course there have been many times where His voice has been muffled out by my selfish nature, but the times when I have really focused on where He was leading me I have been so blessed by being able to be a blessing to others.

#18 - Cooking Class: DONE and another one planned for

This summer I started looking for a cooking class I could take, but the ones I could find were either too expensive, too fancy, or too far away, so I decided that I had so many great cooks around me that I should just tap into their expertise and get them to teach me some of their recipes. I immediately thought of my friend, Jessie, who moved to Birmingham from New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina. She loves to cook and always talks about what she whipped up from leftovers she had in her fridge or spare ingredients in her cabinet, so I asked her to plan out an authentic Cajun menu and send me a grocery list. I got the ingredients and she came over to give me a lesson. My friend, Myra was also in on the lesson. We made BBQ shrimp po'boys and bananas foster. Both were very simple and delicious. After our class Jessie bought me a Groupon for a cooking class that we are going to together soon. I will update you on how it goes afterward!

#29 - Visit Nathan in Colorado - DONE

In November, Mom and I went out to Denver to visit Nathan. We were there from a Wednesday night until early Monday morning. We had a great trip! It was so neat to see where he has been living and get to see some amazing mountain scenery. We laughed a whole lot, admired the gorgeous views, visited the Coors brewery (Mom's favorite part of the trip), relaxed, and enjoyed spending some great time together.

Now, I just have to find a time to get back out there so I can check #22 off my list (skiing).

Catchin' Up

So I looked back over "The List" today to see what all I had and had not checked off this year. I was going to blog about several more things that I actually did do, but I realized that pretty much everyone who reads my blog (or still reads it now that I have fallen off the blogosphere) already knows about all of these things, so I am going to write a short summary here of what all I have been up to:

8, 9, 25, and 26 - DONE: This summer I went on a trip with my sister. She planned the whole thing and every bit of it was a surprise (which if you know me then you know how much I love to have a plan and be in control, so it was quite amazing that I did not plan one single thing for this). I rode out to Texas with Ashley and her family (yes, you read correctly... rode, like in a car, not a plane, to Texas) and we spent a few days with my brother-in-law's family in Waco. Before we headed off on our road trip we crossed #26 off my list by going to a flea market.

Next, we headed off on a road trip to Fredericksburg and Austin (#9 - DONE). We visited several wineries (#8- DONE), ate great food, stayed in an awesome bed and breakfast, shopped, laughed lots, and simply enjoyed undivided time together.

We ended our trip in Austin where we had some great BBQ, drove through the University of Texas campus (#26 - DONE), and made a pit stop at the Friday Night Lights set before I caught my flight back to Birmingham. It was such a sweet time with my sister and so fun to check some things off my list with her!

Okay, change of plans... Blogspot can sometimes be a little hornery, so instead of getting halfway through this post and having it magically disappear and me scream ugly words I am going to save this one and then start another.

Blessed (#7 - Check)

One of my goals this year was to invest time in new friendships. Little did I know how blessed I would be by new friends (and old friends). In February, my friend Lauren and I decided to lead a small group that would meet every Friday night. The purpose of our group was to meet more people from church and just provide an opportunity for everyone to hang out each week. Since that group started I have made some amazing new friends that have challenged and encouraged me in my relationship with God. When we started this group, I had no idea how blessed I would be with new church friends. Even though our group only lasted through May, we all still hang out and I am constantly encouraged by these amazing people.

I also had no idea that when I made this goal for myself, God would also provide the opportunity for me to invest time in some old friends as well. My best friend that I have known since I was about 11 was hit with a devastating blow in May when she found out that her husband of 7 years (who was also one of my closest friends) had been having an affair. Needless to say, I was shocked and devastated to learn about this. But, with an incredible amount of dignity and strength my amazing friend faced this with the most admirable attitude. I am so thankful that I live close by and was able to be there with her and her precious little boy over the past 4 months. She has no idea how much I have learned from her. Her faith has been strengthened and she has whole-heartedly rested in the arms of our Savior. She started a blog when everything first happened and she was able to verbalize what she was feeling and thinking, but at the end of each post she was able to bring it back to what God was teaching and showing her in all of this. One of our other childhood friends (who has experienced her own share of "awful") said it best when she told Stacey that this was just a sad chapter in a beautiful story. Today is Stacey's 30th birthday and I am celebrating what an amazing friend, sister, mother, teacher, and daughter she is. She has faced the single-most painful experience of her life and she has grown stronger as a person and as a Christian because of it. She now has a new job teaching kindergarten, a great new home with her son, and some much needed distance from this "sad chapter".

God is so faithful in providing for us and answering our prayers. When I started praying for our small group in January and asking God to bring new friends into my life, I had no idea that not only would he provide those amazing people, but He would also strengthen a 20 year bond with a lifelong friend. "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you I always pray with joy." - Philippians 1:3-4

Update on THE List

Earlier this year I mentioned my list that I created of things I wanted to do before my BIG 30th birthday in August. Well, here is the update on what I actually checked off my list:

1. Shoot a Gun
2. Skydive
3. Run a 5K - DONE (well, sort of)
4. Auburn Reunion with college friends - DONE
5. Concerts - DONE
6. Read Little Women - Tried to, but couldn't get through the first chapter
7. Invest time in new friendships - DONE and soooo blessed
8. Visit a Winery - DONE
9. Road Trip - DONE
10. 5 Random Acts of Kindness
11. Volunteer for something new - DONE
12. Art - DONE
13. Church 301 - DONE
14. Church 401 - DONE
15. Camping
16. Get a massage - DONE
17. Sewing
18. Cooking Class - DONE
19. Zip Line
20. Scuba Dive
21. Get a Passport
22. Ski (Water or Snow)
23. Watch the Sun Rise
24. Be a Greeter at church - DONE
25. Visit a Flea Market - DONE
26. Visit a New College Town/Stadium - DONE
27. Ride a Motorcycle
28. New Floor in my Kitchen
29. Visit Nathan in Colorado
30. Movies
    o Citizen Kane
    o The Godfather - DONE
    o Casablanca - DONE
    o Ghost
    o Gone with the Wind
    o Psycho - DONE
    o Thelma and Louise - DONE
    o American Graffitti
    o Raiders of the Lost Ark
    o Breakfast at Tiffany's - DONE
    o One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - DONE
    o The Graduate - DONE
    o Little Women
    o Doubt - DONE
    o A Few Good Men - DONE