The Do's and Don'ts of Online Dating

Yes, I realize that the title of this post makes it sound like I am an expert, which I most certainly am not. In fact for some reason lately I keep hearing the songs "Oops, I Did It Again" and "I Want You to Want Me" playing in a loop in my head. Not sure what that means, but I am pretty certain it's not a good thing. And actually I guess this post is really more about the "Don'ts" of online dating than the "Do's" since I obviously haven't figured out the "Do's" quite yet.

As far as online dating goes, here are some tips:
1. Don't post pictures from 10 years ago. You look nothing like you used to.
2. Don't say you are looking for a great Christian girl that is close to her family if you really mean you are looking for a quick hookup.
3. Don't post pictures that you had professionally done... that's just creepy.
4. Don't tell people that you are in a bowling league.
5. If you cannot legally drink yet, please do not email me.
6. If you are closer in age to my dad than me, please do not email me.
7. If you are half a foot shorter than me, please do not email me.
8. Do not post a picture where you are wearing a Garth Brooks cast-off and posing next to a tractor.
9. I think that these guys should come with labels. For example, "Tool", "Player", "Weirdo", "Nice, Normal Guy", "Married", "Possibly Gay", etc.
10. If your idea of a fun night is a Star Trek marathon, please do not email me.

Online dating can be extremely discouraging, especially when you open your email to see that someone has requested communication with you. You get excited and think, "Oh maybe this guy will be great!" Then you open your email to find this waiting for you...

A Sneak Peek at my Bleak Week

Being a teacher means Christmas break. Okay, it means other things, but that is one of the main perks us teachers focus on and count down to starting in August. We get two weeks off in December around Christmas. By this point in the school year it might be considered a mental, physical, and emotional necessity to have this break because we need a break from the kids, and the kids need a break from us. Anyway, last week was jam-packed with all kinds of stuff. There was something going on almost every waking minute and then Christmas came and went and now I am BORED out of my mind. My sister and nieces are still in Texas, my friends that don't teach have gone back to work, there are no goodies to bake, no shopping to be done, nothing... So, out of sheer boredom, I have done the following so far this week:

1. Slept... alot
2. Googled random things
3. Watched youtube videos
4. Watched Lifetime movies
5. Updated my blog to talk about how bored I am
6. Checked my email 5,183 times
7. Checked facebook 5,184 times
8. Checked weather.com to see what was going on outside
9. Made a list of all the things I want to do before I turn 30 in August
10. Researched the things on my list
11. Played Solitaire online
12. Played Scrabble online because I got tired of Solitaire
13. Read some
14. Watched some sermons online
15. Drank coffee until I realized I was starting to get a little twitchy, so I switched to Diet Coke
16. Read people's blogs
17. Downloaded pictures onto facebook
18. Checked a gazillion times to see if anyone had left comments on the above mentioned pictures
19. Texted people to tell them how bored I was
20. Shopped (everywhere) for something to wear on New Year's Eve
21. Cut my cat's claws
22. Baked banana nut bread
23. Made a list of all the things I should be doing with my time, such as getting my oil changed, cleaning my house, taking down Christmas decorations, etc.
24. Came up with excuses why I haven't checked a single thing off my to-do list
25. Updated my Amazon wishlist

Well, now I am off to bed... again. Gotta rest up for my busy day of absolutely nothing.

Year in Review

I cannot believe it is almost the end of 2010. As we approach the start of a new year I have spent some time looking back at this past year and all of the ways God has blessed my life over the past 12 months. Here are a few things that stuck out to me:

1. At the beginning of this year I decided to host a small group through my church. We met on Tuesday nights at my house from January to May. Our group of 8 dwindled to 4, but we had a great time getting to know each other. Then I led a group over the summer with a member from my spring small group (our one and only guy). Over the summer we added a few more people to our group. We read through The Shack together and had fun each week. I led another group in the fall with a girl I met this summer. Through each of these groups God has continued to bless me with new friends from church. I am anxious to get started back with small groups at the end of January!

2. In March of this year our close family friends received some overwhelming news. Their son, Perry (a senior in high school at the time) was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Through much prayer and faith in the ultimate Healer, Perry was declared cancer free in July. He wrapped up chemo in September and finished radiation in October. I admire the way he has handled this situation, and I have seen the peace of God poured out in his life. His family has remained positive and focused on making this a "Victory Tour".

3. In January I started praying for opportunities to serve. I wanted to focus more of my time and energy on being a servant for others, seeing as how I tend to focus way too much time and energy on myself. I started looking into being a camp counselor, and through God's guidance I ended up volunteering at Camp Smile-a-Mile for a week in June. This is a camp for kids who currently have or have had cancer. It was an amazing experience, and I later had the opportunity to go back and work at one of their family weekend retreats. I can't wait to go back again this summer!

4. A year ago I was praying that my sister would have a healthy pregnancy. God answered our prayers when Maggie Anne Schornack was born on July 22. She is precious and I have loved getting to spend time with her and her big sister, Carson.

5. Of course I HAVE to mention football season! As you know by now, I am a HUGE Auburn fan, so this football season has been nothing short of AMAZING! We started off the season hoping to pull out at least 9 wins. We had a new quarterback that we were unsure of, and didn't really know what to expect from him. Well, unless you have been living under a rock for the past 4 months you know that we had an undefeated season (including a huge combeack win against Alabama), won the SEC Championship game, named that same unknown quarterback as the 3rd Auburn Tiger to receive the Heisman, and now the Auburn nation is preparing for a National Championship game on January 10. It's great to be an Auburn Tiger!

O Come Let Us Adore Him

I pray that your Christmas will be filled with family and friends, great food, rest, laughter, love, and happiness.

In all of the chaos that the holidays can bring I hope that we will all take time to remember what we are truly celebrating... the birth of our Lord and Savior who came to live and walk on Earth so that He could one day save us all and give us hope, peace, and unconditional love.

Merry Christmas! "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace..." - Romans 15:13

Through the Eyes of a Child

Ever since my oldest niece was born I have loved the opportunity to experience things through her eyes. It is so much fun to see her reaction to things that I don't really get excited about anymore, such as playing in the sand at the beach, swinging at the park, baking cookies, going to Target, etc. This is one reason why I was so excited for Christmas this year. Carson turned 3 in August and this is the first year where she really understands what's going on and has been so excited about all things Christmas. She almost went into shock when they got out all of their decorations this year and she has loved all of the Christmas lights. Ashley, Robert, Carson, and Maggie headed out to Texas this morning to spend Christmas with Robert's family. While I will miss getting to be with them Christmas day we have been able to do some really fun things this holiday season.

1. Ashley, Robert, Carson, and Maggie came to visit my class at school. Carson sat in my chair at the front of the room, crossed her legs and began to read them a Christmas book she brought. Then she sang a few songs and asked, "Hey guys, what do you want for Christmas?"

2. Carson had a program at school where they sang several songs about Jesus' birthday. She gave several shout-outs mid performance and took a bow after each song.

3. Ashley, mom, Carson and I went to see the Polar Express at the IMAX theater this past Sunday afternoon. We wore our pajamas and got to have chocolate milk and cookies after the movie. I loved getting to watch Carson's reaction to the huge screen!

4. Last night we celebrated with Ashley's family and got to give the kids their presents. Carson was soooo excited and at one point exclaimed, "Oh my goodness!". I can only imagine what her reaction will be on Saturday morning when she sees what Santa brought her.

War Eagle

This is an urgent message to all you Bammers out there...

I don't care if you cheer for Oregon. I cheered for Texas last year. I hate your team as much as you hate mine. "Cheer for the SEC" will not be uttered by me, because I wouldn't do it for you either. I have been entertained by your conspiracy theories this season, and I am sure there will be plenty more to come before January 10. We beat you... in a come from behind win... when we were down 24-0 at one point... Deal with it! If all you can say at this point is "Y'all are gonna suck next year." then do us a favor and shut up.

See ya in Glendale... except that you won't be there. War Eagle!

Inspiration

I have to give some shout outs to two friends who I am soooo proud of. I may even be inspired to join them, which is huge for me! Both of these girls have trained for a 5k in the past few months.

Keri is a girl I teach with. We taught across the hall from each other for 2 years, and I was beyond blessed to have her there with me. She is a constant encouragement as a friend, and a fellow Weight Watcher. Keri used the site http://www.runningintoshape.com/ to prepare for her first 5k, that she completed this past Saturday. I love this picture of her in action!

Julie is a friend that I met through church. She is one of those people that I met for the first time and thought "We will be good friends!". She did "Couch to 5k" and is now training for a half marathon (yes, that is 13.1 miles). She ran a 10k on Thanksgiving morning and she continues to build up the miles to prepare for the Mercedes Marathon in February. This a picture of the two of us together this past summer.

Keri will also be running on a team in the Mercedes Marathon, along with lots of other teachers from our school. I will also be there... on the sidelines... to cheer them on.

'Tis the Season...

... for ridonculous weight gain! Yes, that's right. I have officially fallen off the bandwagon, horse, scales, etc. How did I gain 8 pounds (yes, EIGHT) in 3 weeks you ask. Well, let me just tell you... 1)Stress/Frustration, 2) Thanksgiving, 3) Thanksgiving left-overs, 4) Football games, 5) The start of way too many parties with way too much tempting food.

Is this ridiculous? Yes. Am I making poor excuses for something I can totally control? Yes. Did some people (that I now hate) in my WW group actually LOSE weight over Thanksgiving? Yes. Should I have been able to do the same (or at least not gain)? Yes. Have I already considered just giving in and starting over again in January? Yes. Am I going to do that? NO!!!

I have three Christmas parties this week alone and I have got to come up with a plan, so I don't gain the other 8 back. I am not feeling very confident right now, but I am workin' on it. I will keep ya posted.

Take Three

Last September my 3 month membership with match.com was about to expire when I met this guy who seemed great ("Seemed" being the key word there. I mean I am pretty sure stirrup pants, blue eyeshadow, and crimped hair "seemed" great at one point, too). He was three years younger than me, but he seemed mature enough, so I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt. (Mistake number 1). He was a high school teacher and coach, which I loved, since I teach and have a love for kids, too. He was a graduate of Alabama and a huge Bammer, but he kept it in check for the most part (keep in mind this was during football season). His facebook page led me to believe that maybe he was still a little too caught up in the lifestyle of a college student, but I just figured he hadn't updated his page in a while (mistake number 2).

Things started off great and before long I had really started to like him... a lot. He said and did all the right things and everything was going really well (for about a month). Of course looking back I know now that the odd feeling I had was the realization that this was not the best thing for me, that I needed to get out, walk away before I got too involved, etc. But at the time I could easily quiet that voice. This guy seemed really great, except for those few small minor issues that started to creep up, like making plans with me and bailing at the last minute or me feeling awkward asking him about his faith (which he told me that of course he prayed... before football games... to his grandmother). I figured we just needed to talk more about his religious background and then I would see that I misunderstood this. And of course he said that he would absolutely love to go to church with me, which I believed (mistake number 3). He also preferred to text instead of actually having a conversation with me over the phone, much less in person.

So, literally things took a drastic 180 before I could blink. One minute things were great, and one millisecond later he was confused, not sure if he had time for a relationship, blah, blah, blah (which he informed me of via text). In a way I was mad at myself for letting this go on as long as I did, what with all the glaring issues that were there from day one. After listening to Katy Perry's "Hot n' Cold" on repeat, licking my wounds, and some minor facebook stalking I decided to take a break from the wonderfully entertaining yet frustrating world of online dating.

Thankful

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever." - Psalm 107:1

This is my prayer for you and your families as you celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow. Today I find myself thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for. I have been thinking back on things I started praying for in January. Some of these prayers have been graciously answered, and some haven't, but I know that my God has perfect timing and I am trusting in Him "for He is good." Here are some of the things I am thankful for:

1. My family: I am so blessed to have a close family that supports me, encourages me, puts up with me, and puts me in my place when I need it. I started praying for my sister and her pregnancy about this time last year and God has blessed her family with another healthy and precious baby girl. I am so thankful for both of my nieces and the time I get to spend with them.

2. My friends: I am so thankful for all of the friends I have been blessed with. I have friends that I have known for years and years that are so special to me. I am also fortunate enough to have some great friends where I work. With the stress that comes with teaching, this is a huge blessing. They keep me laughing and sane... most of the time. And this past year I have met some great new friends through my church. Several of these people have become instant close friends.

3. My God: Over the past year I feel like my relationship with the Lord has been strengthened in amazing ways. I have learned to seek comfort and rest in Him, and He has shown me uncondotional love. I know that everything I have to be thankful for is because of Him, so I want to take time to give Him all the glory for the wonderful blessings He has poured out on me.

In all the chaos of cooking, traveling, visiting, shopping, etc. take time to think about all that you have to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and remember to "give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever!" Happy Thanksgiving!

Take Two

Okay, so after deciding that "The Poet" was not for me, I met another guy who lived in Prattville and was an Auburn fan, so already he was earning points (because he was an Auburn fan, not because he lived in the thriving metropolis of Prattville). We talked back and forth for a long time and then he finally came to Birmingham spur of the moment to meet up and grab dinner. Here were the issues with this one.

1. He is my age... and still in school... undergraduate school. I think he is on the 10 year college plan.

2. When I asked him if he had roommates he said, "Yes... two... my parents." He is still in college... living with his parents.

3. Most of his co-workers were still in high school.

BUT, he did smell good... which I told him. Awkward? Yes. After our brief encounter he was never to be heard from again. I figured it was probably because I was too old... and employed... and sober for his liking.

God Has a Sense of Humor

So, today my class went on a field trip to the Huntsville Space and Rocket Center. I found out a few weeks ago that I would be having a murse (male nurse) accompany my class. I got an email reminder about this at the beginning of this week. Considering I had just been totally disappointed by yet one more guy, I thought, "Awww... Maybe this guy is going to be some great and wonderful person... and we will spend the day together... and it will be awesome."

This morning our school nurse came by to introduce me to him. He walked in and I just had to smile at God's great senese of humor. He reminded me a lot of Willard Scott (who does the weather and 100 year old birthdays on the Today show). Seemed like a sweet... large... older man.

Funny, God... Real funny.

The Poet

So, in my previous post I told you that I had given online dating a try. This has provided constant entertainment for my family. I have learned more about what I want in a relationship and what I definitely DON'T want. It has been an interesting process and I have laughed LOTS at some of the things I have seen and heard.

So, one of the first guys I met seemed nice enough. He was tall and went to my church, so I figured he was worth getting to know. (Yes, I have other criteria in mind, but those seemed like good places to start). We talked for a while through email and phone calls and finally decided to meet... for lunch... at a highly populated restaurant. I should have known better than to prolong the inevitable with this guy, but I figured I should at least meet him in person. Here were some of the red flags that were flying high:

1. When I asked him to tell me something that most people don't know about him he told me that he has a huge collection of snowmen. Me: "Oh, that's kind of cool.... Wait, what? Did you say snowmen?"
2. When I asked him how recent his profile picture was taken he said, "Oh that? That picture is probably 10 years old, but I still look exactly the same."
3. He had two tattoos... green tattoos... because he's Irish... on his forearms.
4. He wrote poems. He wrote me a poem for my birthday, but I could not really understand how I compare to a field of sunflowers.
5. Our lunch date lasted approximately 26 minutes. I think I had more chemistry with our waiter.
6. He insulted the Auburn University... 'nuff said!

I am woman, hear me... curse!

So, in keeping with the theme of my previous post, I decided to repair my oven because I don't need no mans to take care a me. The heating element in the bottom of my oven broke a few weeks ago, so I called around and found a place that had a replacement. I went and picked it up last week, but have yet to actually install said replacement. Earlier today I thought about callin up my deddy to come help, but I thought to myself, "Girl, you can do this." So I got out my toolkit and set to figuring out how to select the appropriate sized screw remover. I think that tool might be called a wrench, but I really have no clue. I finally got the right fit and got the two lugnuts (pretty sure that is wrong, too) out. When I proceeded to pull the old part out I felt some resistance. So what's a girl to do? Putcha back into it and yank that sucker out. Well, this would have been fine, except for the fact that I then witnessed a beautiful display of sparks that rivaled 4th of July fireworks. "(Insert choice of four letter words). Hmmm... pretty sure that is not supposed to happen. I should probably stop." So, now I have a broken oven, non-working stovetop, and some singed eyebrows. I think this calls for a Starbucks run!

Sekerity

First of all, if you have never been introduced to Bon Qui Qui click here. Now, gimme a minute to make a connection to this video.

WARNING, WARNING! This is a long 'un cause I gotst a lotst to say.

I want to be married. I want to have children. There, I said it. I want to be confident in Christ and whatever He has planned for me, but that is really presenting a challenge for me right now. Think of something that you really want(ed) for your life (kids, a certain job, a spouse, etc.) Now consider the possibility that God didn't have that in His plan for you. Would you still trust Him? In all honesty, I am really struggling with that right now. Do I trust Him if his plans for me do not include those things that I strongly desire? Do I trust Him enough to let go of those desires and find rest and "sekerity" in Him? Do I trust Him enough to lay those desires down for good... like forever? How do we develop faith if we always get everything we want? Why would I have a need to trust in God if I had all the things I have ever dreamed of? Uncertainty develops faith and obedience.

Okay, let me back up and explain how I got to this point. I can remember ever since I was in middle school having spend the night parties and staying up until the middle of the night talking with my friends about getting married one day and how wonderful it would be. Over the years I looked on as friend after friend got engaged and started their married lives. I was consumed with jealousy and self-pity for a while because their grass looked so green to me. Then I realized that I could waste time wishing for the future or I could enjoy where I am in my life right now... which I have done. I have made some great new friends, I have a great house and job, and I have done lots of things that I probably never would have done had I been married. I have really been seeking what God wants me to do right now while still praying for my future.

My dating experience has been minimal, so last year I finally decided to give online dating a go after some encouraging from a friend who was already doing it. I signed up on match.com and met some interesting (read "weird") people (that I will later detail for you because at least my experiences will provide entertainment for someone) and after 3 months called it quits. A year later I decided to give it another try and chose to use a different site this time. Another friend of mine had met someone through eHarmony and they both seemed like normal people, so I took about 67 hours to fill out an in-depth personality test and then started to get matched up with some folks. Again, I have met some interesting people. The most recent guy that I got to know has only proven to be another disappointment. Last week I became very frustrated with the situation and decided to get out of town for a couple of days and refocus myself. I had been wanting to go to the beach for a while, so on Thursday I packed a bag, booked a (sketchy) hotel room and headed to Gulf Shores. It was a great "Mer"cation and a wonderful time with my Savior who loves me more than any person ever will. I spent lots of time reading my Bible and seeking God's peace. I have a very tender and emotional heart when it comes to relationships, especially with guys. I am learning more about guarding my heart and finding confidence in Christ. (Okay, now I am going to make my connection) There is an amazing "sekerity" in Christ that I am learning to rest in. It is freeing to realize that when I get too deep in my own thoughts and emotions, I can yell out "sekerity" and my amazing Protector reaches in to pull me out and hold me in His arms. The Bible study that I am doing right now is called "Giving Christ Control". Each chapter that I have read over the past several days has been amazing. I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit used these words to reach me where I am. And that to me is incredible. My God is great! My God is strong! My God is love! My God is "sekerity"!

Update

I am currently down 16.6 pounds, but I am not really celebrating that quite yet because I know that the weight loss I have seen over the past few weeks is not really due to hard work, but more to the impact of stress. I have not been eating because I have had no appetite over the past couple of weeks. Which is great when I go weigh in and see that I lost 5 pounds in one week. But it is also bad because I know that I will quickly see those pesky pounds again when I get my appetite back. I also know that Thanksgiving is right around the corner with Christmas on its heels, which means lots and lots of food, so I am going to prepare myself for the holidays and hope that I am not starting all over again in January.

7

... is the number of pounds I have lost over the past two weeks! It has actually been pretty easy getting back on track and I feel good about the success I have had so far. Now, I know the next step is to start exercising again. That I am not excited about. Is it sad that I was overjoyed when I got a call from Curves the other day saying that my payment didn't go through this month since my credit card number on file has changed? Is it bad that I did not even call them back? Is it sad that I have now paid close to $400 over the past year for a membership that I have not used? I don't think they will be shocked to not hear back from me.

Happy Fall Y'all

Fall in the South is pretty much an extension of summer. This time of year always cracks me up because you will see anything from spaghetti straps and flip flops to sweaters and Ugg boots. It is difficult to decide whether you should dress for the season or the weather. In most places this time of year is referred to as fall, which means you should put away the sandals and capris, but here in Alabama it is "Hotumn" which means it is still in the mid 80's during the day. I have refused to give up my sandals and begin shoving my feet back into their close-toed prisons until I absolutely have to.

I am also humored by the number of people in my neighborhood that actually celebrate Halloween more than on the 31st. The number of people with Halloween inflatables, mailbox decorations, etc. amazes me. (The fact that most of these people also have "Roll Tide" bumper stickers is very telling).

But, I will also say that I cannot wait for that brief window of time when the leaves start to change. It is one of the absolute most beautiful times to be in Birmingham. This is a picture I took a few years ago of the view when I walk out my front door.

So, go get on your flip flops, fleece jacket, and get out and enjoy the weather. Happy Hotumn!

One Week Down

I am back on track... and it feels good! There are a few things that have really helped this time around. My friend Keri coordinated with Weight Watchers to get a meeting set up at our school, so it is great to be doing this with friends at work. My sister is also doing Weight Watchers and she has found some great websites with tasty recipes (www.skinnytaste.com). She and I knew that football season in the South is a hard time to try and lose weight, but she found some great things we could have this past Saturday and I did not feel like I was on a diet.

I have also realized that one of my biggest problems is that I find way too much joy in food. When I am having a really crappy day I want to cheer myself up by getting something sugary, cheesey, or fried on my way home. I know this about myself, so I am trying to find other things to enjoy.

I also realize that if something sounds too good to be true... it probably is. Yesterday I was trying to find a salad dressing that would be low in points, but not taste awful. I found a Ranch dressing that was 0 calories and fat free. I gave it a try and it is now safely stored at the bottom of my trash can. How Walden Farms stays in business selling that kind of crap, I do not know.

I was not at school today for the meeting, so I did not get to weigh in, but I will let you know the results after next Tuesday.

Ashamed

I know, I know... I have been MIA for a month, which is ridiculous. I have said several times, "Oh, I have got to blog about that." Of course, now that I am actually sitting down to update you I have no idea what those funny things were that I thought would make good blog material.

So, I will give you some very unsettling and depressing news instead... Remember all those pounds I lost a year ago? Well, I found them... and they brought back friends with them. Remember in April when I declared I was getting back in the (weight loss) game? And I did... for about 72 hours? Well, that was 5 months (and many pounds) ago. Remember when I said that if I didn't get with it, I was going to be right back where I started? Well, hello square one... So great to see you again. When I put on a (snug) pair of pants this morning that were huge on me last year I didn't cry. When I considered if I should use the pregnant woman's "rubberband trick" on these pants, I didn't scream. When I weighed this afternoon at my Weight Watchers meeting, I didn't begin sobbing upon seeing that large number in ink. Why? Because I feel like it can't be worse than it is at this moment. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will be back in the game... again. Tomorrow I will make better decisions. And next Tuesday when I weigh in I will be encouraged that my weight is once again going down and not up. I will keep you posted on my progress... and come hell or high water there will be progress this time!

Church

Here are some of my random thoughts about church:
1. I love to listen to praise and worship music. It just really helps me focus my attention on worshipping God. I get excited when the praise band at church sings a song that I have been belting out in my car. The only problem is that I am used to the CD version where the singer adds their own worship experience to the song by adding extra phrases here and there. For example, in an instrumental break they might say "Praise God!", which makes me want to do the same when I am singing at church. They also might change the notes up on the CD version, so as I am singing at church I will go up for a high note when everyone else is on a low note. I try to focus on worshipping God without worrying about my surroundings, but this can be a little difficult when I suddenly realize that I just pulled a "Mariah" and attempted a high octave ... and my voice cracked like a 12 year old boy.
2. My church streams two of their Sunday services live online, which has been both good and bad for me. Good, because there are just some Sundays when I can't get it together in time to make it to church. (Which is extremely ridiculous considering my church has like 142 services to choose from and the one I typically go to is at 11:30) Bad, because I feel like those Sundays might be increasing now that I know I can always watch it online. Well, a few weeks ago they launched what they are calling the "Online Campus", which I was part of a week ago. They have a chat bar on the right hand side, which is incredibly distracting because it is like people are talking in church... the whole time. I found myself wanting to say something to everyone (probably the teacher in me). And it would be people who knew each other saying "Hey Laura... yeah we couldn't get the kids ready in time to make it this morning." Uhm... send Laura a text and quit distracting me. Finally I realized I could maximize the screen and the chat bar went away.
3. We are about to launch our fall small groups. I am hosting a group with my friend Lauren and we are going to be reading the book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I have heard lots of great things about this book, so I am really excited to get started. So far I have only had a few people email about the group, so it is always interesting the first night to see who shows up. This semester I have also considered joining a Young Professionals Men's Group. What do you think they would say when I show up at the door. Hot Christian guy: "Uhm, hi, this is a men's small group." Me: "Yeah, I know. That's why I'm here... Duh"

Don't Waste Your Time

I should know by now that most books that have been deemed "New York Times Bestsellers" are probably not for me. I have chosen many books over the years based on this criteria and more often than not I have been disappointed.

My recent choice was based on hype, recommendations, and the buzz about it being turned into a movie. So, I went out and bought my copy of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and was prepared for a "thrilling page-turner". One of my friends that had read it forewarned me that it was slow in the beginning, but to give it time and then I wouldn't be able to put it down. Well, apparently this meant that I needed to give it 422 pages out of 644 and then I would be hooked. I am also really bad about not wanting to abandon a book, so even if I am not loving it, I will keep reading. Well, I finally finished it last week. Of course at the end they have an excerpt from the second book in the series, which caught my interest immediately. Do I dare try another book in this series?

Just Sayin'

1. The recent Schick Quatro razor commercial makes me uncomfortable. It shows several different women walking by shrubbery that becomes neatly pruned. Apparently this implies that it does a flawless job of taming your nether regions. Not very subtle if you ask me. If you don't know what I am talking about, click here.
2. Now, I am not the world's biggest Jessica Alba fan, but when did she reach the low point in her career where she thought "Machete" seemed like a good movie for her resume? I saw the preview for this earlier tonight and actually laughed out loud at one point. If you haven't seen the preview, click here.
3. Tonight I found myself flipping back and forth between "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" and "Jersey Shore". In case you were wondering, they were both a colossal waste of my brain space and no different from a bad car accident that you can't help but look at. I now feel slightly dumber.
4. I am currently updating my blog out of sheer procrastination. I have a stack of papers that I should be grading, but can't bring myself to tackle them. That would be why you are benefitting from my incredibly random thoughts. Enjoy!

Year Five

Wow! Time flies. I cannot believe this is the start of my fifth year teaching. It seems like just yesterday when I was meeting my first class and wondering what I had gotten myself into. Crazy to think those kids are starting their freshman year of high school.
Each class is totally different and it is always interesting to scope things out those first few days. I must say (knock on wood) this group seems wonderful! They are all so cute and sweet and seem excited to be at school. Now I know better than to think that will last until May, but I am really loving this group and getting to know them.
Monday we will actually start "school". These first two days were filled with labeling, touring, get to know you games, word searches, rules/procedures, etc. I am eager to get started with our normal routine and get into actually teaching. I am really looking forward to this year and I am excited to see how these kids will grow and learn!
When you think about it, shout out a prayer for me and my 26 students. Pray that God would give me patience, compassion, and knowledge. Pray that these kids would be eager to learn and work. Pray that God would give me His guidance in how to best encourage, motivate, and teach these kids. Pray that God would give me His love for them.

Shopping = Pure Torture

It's time for back to school shopping and I left my house this afternoon prepared to stock up on all kinds of cute items. Here are my observations from my shopping endeavor:
1. Why must designers bedazzle everything? I would see a cute top only to pull it off the rack and realize that the entire left side was covered in a rhinestone butterfly.
2. Instead of a "Misses" section, they should be more specific and label it "MawMaw". The amount of shoulder pads, pleats, and tapering that you find in the "Misses" department makes you wonder if your purchase comes with a free walker.
3. I think dressing rooms should come with a buzzer, so that when you try something on that you are unsure about, the siren would go off to let you know that you should not even consider buying this item. For example, it could say, "Warning! Warning! Inappropriate clothing choice. Please remove item, place back on the hanger, and step away."
4. There are things hanging in some stores that I want to hide in a dark corner for fear that some sad person will come in and think that it is cute. That person will later wear it in public and make the rest of us think "where in the world did they get that and why did someone not tell them that it is brutal."
5. Do you ever have those moments when you pick up something in your size and think, "This looks huge." only to try it on and realize that it is too tight? That is always a fun point in the shopping experience.
6. I think that one level of Hell will involve shopping for jeans or bathing suits.
Unfortunately I did not find as many things as I wanted, so I now have the joy of going through all of this again sometime this week.

Stars...They're Just Like Us!

I think this is one of the funniest sections in celebrity magazines. They will take pictures of celebrities pumping their gas or buying groceries or something else that we all do everyday and then proclaim that these gazillion dollar making, personal trainer using, chauffeured celebrities are indeed just like us. The fact that they are pumping gas into their car that costs more than my house or using their Black AmEx to buy their groceries does not seem to be noticed by the editors of these magazines.
Case in point... Last week I was reading a magazine that had an article about a model who died after having butt injections. Yes, you read correctly. She was having injections to make her butt bigger. Pretty sure I don't know of anyone that would want to have or be in need of butt injections. I wonder if they have a "butt donation" program. I would happily donate some of mine. So, this begs the question... How come this article wasn't titled "Stars... They're Just Like Us"? Uhm... because they aren't.

Maggie's Mommy

So, in case ya didn't know... my sister had another baby girl a week ago today. Maggie Anne Schornack was born on Thursday, July 22 at 2:10 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs., 2 oz. and measured 21 inches long. She is absolutely beautiful and sweet as she can be.

Let me just tell you how much I love and admire my sister. Long story short, getting pregnant was not easy for her... at all. As a matter of fact, this time last summer she was very sick from a failed attempt to get pregnant. Through both of her pregnancies she has leaned on God and trusted in His perfect plan, which is really hard to do at times. She has covered both of these sweet girls in prayer and trusted God would take care of them, which He has faithfully done. I have learned so much from her and hope that one day I will be half the mother that both she and my mom are.

True Confessions

Do not judge me because:
1. I bribed my niece to leave CVS without pitching a fit by buying her Cheetos.
2. She can now sing Miley Cyrus's "Hoedown Throwdown" because we have listened to it 839 times in the last 24 hours.
3. I am typing this right now because I have finally mesmerized her with... Scooby Doo. How some people make the decision to not let their kids watch TV is beyond me.
4. I am sure that anyone who saw me today thought, "Good Lord, what did she do, roll out of bed and pick something up off the floor to wear? Does she own a brush, or better yet, a mirror? Has she heard of Cover Girl?" Hopefully they saw how adorably cute Carson was and realized that all of my energy was spent chasing her all over my house to get her ready.
5. Approximately 22 hours ago I gave up picking up after her, so my house now looks like the Tazmanian Devil ransacked it... uhm, because she did. After JJ picks her up I will waste maybe 2 minutes to pour myself a glass of wine before I begin cleaning (yes, I am that anal).

*As a disclaimer - Carson and I have had a fun time together and I am so glad that I have this time to spend with her, Ashley, and Maggie before I head back to school. She is very entertaining and constantly makes me smile. I can't wait to see if Maggie will be half as hysterical as her big sister.

Super Summer

Yes, I am still alive. No, I have not fallen off the face of the Earth. And, no, I have not abandoned my blog for good. I have good reason for being MIA for the past several weeks. Here is what my fun-filled summer has looked like:
1 week at Camp SAM + 2 weeks teaching ESL camp + 2 beach trips + 1 weekly small group + 1 baby-sitting job + 1 new baby niece = By far, the busiest summer I have ever had

My previous summers have consisted of a lot of staying up late, sleeping until 10, reading, napping, and overall rest and relaxation. Today is the first day all summer that I have had the opportunity to lay on my couch in my pj's, watch DVR, update my blog, read, and just be completely lazy... and it is fabulous. School starts back for me 2 weeks from today, so I am enjoying the last little bit of time I have before the chaos of the beginning of school gets underway. I am hoping to make more posts over the next two weeks, but I have given you some of my new favorite quotes and YouTube videos in the meantime. Hope you have all had a great summer so far filled with lots of fun in the sun!

Favorite Videos

Here are some of my new favorite YouTube videos:
Kari Jobe singing "You are for Me" - she has the most beautiful voice and the words to this song are amazing.
Grayson Chance singing Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" - he is a 12 year old boy that Ellen found on YouTube and he has an incredible voice.
Jim Gaffigan - hilarious comedian doing stand-up on camping, waking up, and his favorite food: bacon

Favorite Quotes

Here are some of my new favorite quotes:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."
"If you ignore my muffin top, I'll ignore your bald spot."
"Breakups are like a bikini wax - Excruciating, but so worth it."
"Sometimes life hands you a hell sandwich."
"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it... or if you live in Hollywood, just put any panties on and quit showing us your baby maker."
"The older you are the harder it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are BFF's"

I have a bone to pick with Disney

Two words that make me cringe with anger... Disney Vault. I mean, come on Disney. Why must you release DVDs for a limited time only from the "vault"? Why can we not find and enjoy your wonderful movies at any time? Once the movies have been locked back up, you can only find them on Amazon for around $1,058, which is just plain ridiculous. Now that my niece is of the age where she can really start to enjoy the Disney movies that I loved as a child I can't find any of them for sale because they are all locked up. So, Disney, do us all a favor and let Belle, Mickey, and Snow White out to play!

Point Made...

In my previous post I mentioned the difficulty that I have finding stylish shoes in a size 12. Case in point... this afternoon I was looking online at a few sites that I have had luck with in the past. On one, I searched by my size and this shoe and one other lovely geriatric option was all that was available for my hoofs. Comfortable... yes, Able to be worn by a 28 year old in public... no.

A head above the rest

As you already know, I am tall. Not only am I tall, but I am very tall. My dad is 6' 6", so obviously I got his genes as I am 6 feet tall myself (or 5' 12" as I like to say). Being tall has its perks, but it can also be a little irritating at times. With my extra inches I have found additional storage in places that other people cannot reach. I can also see that there is still one box of cereal at the very back of the top shelf in the grocery store. As a teacher my height allows me to come across a little more intimidating when I stand over a student who is off task.

With that being said, there are also some things that are a little irritating with my considerable height. People assume that I am a basketball phenom. I did play on my church basketball team, but I cannot dribble, shoot a proper lay-up or make a 3-pointer. I played on the church team more for the fun than the actual opportunity to acquire some athletic ability.

Carrying my 6 foot frame around also requires that I have very large feet. Finding stylish size 12 shoes is not an easy task. Most of my shoes come from Payless because they carry up to a size 13. (Note to Payless: Please do not waste your time crowding your size 12 shelves with 3 inch heels. People who are shopping for clown shoes are most likely tall, therefore we typically do not want to add 3 inches to our already freakishly tall bodies.) I met a girl the other day who wears the same size shoes I do. She asked where I shop for shoes and I told her that I shop at Payless and Clarks. She said she doesn't really shop at Clarks because she doesn't wear leather since she is a vegan. Hmmm, so you are telling me that you limit yourself and your big feet even more by only wearing pleather??? That is just plain silly. Shopping for pants is also a continuous issue. I have actually been wearing capris my whole life. They just ended up that way after I dried my pants by mistake.

So basically, being tall is just one more thing that makes me uniquely who I am!

Up and Over

As mentioned earlier (see "Perspective") last week I worked as a camp counselor. When I received the tentative schedule for our week I was a little concerned when I saw that all counselors would be required to take a swim test upon arriving at camp. Immediately I became anxious about being asked to demonstrate the butterfly and appropriate flip turn at the end of the pool while the cast of Baywatch critiqued me from poolside. All of these worries were for nothing when we arrived at the pool and were asked to simply tell the staff how well we could swim. I never even had to shed my swim cover-up.

Crisis averted... or so I thought.

Skip to the next morning when we were supposed to have breakfast and then do team-building activities before the campers arrived. We were led to a ropes course where I (naively) assumed we would do a simple trust fall, sing "Kumbaya", and call it a day. Needless to say, I was wrong... way wrong. Had I known ahead of time what we would be asked to do I am sure I could have come down with the 3 hour bubonic plague to be excused from this activity. We were broken into different groups and assigned a staff member that would lead us through "Satan's Torture Games". Our first activity required a lot of balance, which I handled okay. We finished that and I was still thinking, "This isn't so bad." I knew better when our instructor led our group to a 15 foot fall and explained that we would all have to get over it. I was thinking to myself, "Hmmm, this guy is funny. There is no ladder or rope or escalator, so obviously this is a joke. Seriously, what's next, Rambo?" He gave us the rules for this activity, which would require two people to man the top of the wall. They would help pull you over once the other group members lifted you up from the bottom of the wall.

Now, let's take a moment to get the full mental picture here. I am 6 feet tall and have what appears to be a 2nd trimester belly. I also have considerable junk in the trunk.

I was speechless. How in the world were these people going to hoist my badonkadonk over this wall?!? I began thinking of excuses, but one (82 pound) girl assured me that our group would not be able to move on until ALL the members were over the wall. "Ummm, easy for you to say, Barbie. Pretty sure I saw you nibbling on a blueberry at breakfast while I had an extra donut." I stood away from the group and observed the first 4 or 5 people lifted and pulled over the wall with no trouble. I continued to inch slowly back until Vesta (who is in her 60's) kindly reminded my group that, "You better get her over before you send too many people to the other side." Why, thank you Vesta. I appreciate your support and encouraging words. The group then turned their attention to me and encouraged me to give it a go. (Sure why not, it will be your graves). All I could think to say to the 2 guys at the bottom of the wall that would have to shoulder my weight was "I am so sorry." They used their hands as steps for me and pushed me up to the 2 guys waiting at the top. These 2 grabbed my arms and pulled me to the top (only slightly dislocating my shoulders).

Surely that was the worst of it, right? Wrong again.

Next we headed to a circle of hula hoops with a rope dangling in the middle. We would need to swing from one hula hoop to the next using the rope (Tarzan-style). "Uhm, have we not already learned that I am out of shape and have no upper body strength whatsoever? I thought this was supposed to build team unity, not humiliate the chubby girl and provide hours of laughter for her group members later." Well, here we go. I reached up as high as I could on the rope and prepared to swing into the other hula hoop where a very skinny boy was braced to catch me. I attempted to swing the first time and simply fell off the rope into the leaves. "Great, this should be loads of fun." Take two... I swung and pulled my leg behind me like a kick-stand. Take three... while the instructor was not looking I inched my hula hoop toward the other one so I could basically just jump into it.

We did a few more activities that were about as bad, but by that point I really could not have been any more humiliated. What a great way to get to know the other counselors, right?! Uhm, no! I suggest next year we have a tiki bar and play some charades.

Perspective

First off, I know you have all been experiencing a massive void in your lives since my random anticdotes have been MIA over the past few weeks. Needless to say, my summer has ended up being WAY busier than I anticipated. It is filled with lots of great stuff, but I can't believe it is already mid-June!

Last week I worked as a camp counselor at a camp for kids with cancer. It was an amazing experience. There were around 60 children at the camp between 6 - 12 years old. My camper was 11 years old and has Leukemia. With her, you would never have known she had cancer because she looked very healthy and loved to talk about High School Musical, stuffed animals, and swimming.

For some of the other campers it was more obvious that they were dealing with way more than any 6 or 10 year old should have to deal with. Some of them had beautifully shiny bald heads, while others were just starting to get their hair back. I would overhear conversations where they used words like chemo, stick, port, relapse, remission, etc. More than once I had to ask what certain abbreviations meant (For example, ALL - Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia).

I was constantly amazed by just how brave and strong these kids are. I had to keep reminding myself that they are kids above all else and it was our goal to give them an amazingly fun week where they could forget about cancer for a while.

There were two children that really touched me. One girl was 11 years old, but hearing her talk you would think she was 20. She has been through a lot in her short life and has had some heart-breaking experiences. One day while we were in the cabin I overheard her talking to some other girls about their wigs. They were all talking about how much they hated wearing them. The other girls had already gotten their hair back, but she was just starting to get some. I asked her what her wig looked like and she said, "Oh I can show you, I brought it for my costume." She put it on for me and it was amazing how totally different she looked. She said, "I just don't like to wear it because I am used to being bald now. I figure if someone doesn't want to be friends with me because I don't have hair, then they aren't really a friend worth having." I thought that was pretty amazing and confident for an 11 year old.

The other camper that really stuck with me was a 10 year old boy who is currently being treated and has a shiny bald head. He seemed very angry and standoffish. Their personalities were all so different. Some seemed mature beyond their age, and others seemed very wary of people they didn't know. This little boy commented to me that he didn't want to be doing the activity his counselor was doing with him. I asked what he would rather do and he said he wanted to go back to the cabin to read. I asked what he was reading and he said The Lightning Thief. This is a book I have read with my class for the past couple of years, so I launched into a great discussion about the book with him. His face lit up and his whole demeanor changed. We talked and talked about our favorite chapters and characters and I got a glimpse of what this child was like without the worry, anxiety, and frustration that is cancer. When I got home I got on his caringbridge page and read all about his diagnosis and treatment. I now understand why he was so angry. It seems that his prognosis is not very good and the treatment is very aggressive.

After spending a week with these kids I feel even more blessed and thankful for all that I have. These kids will forever be an inspiration to me! I can't wait to go back again.

Totally Random Thoughts

Here are some of my recent extremely random thoughts that I wanted to share with you:
1. I think that God was getting bored with creating things when he got to cauliflower and honeydew. I feel that they are the red-headed stepchildren of fruits and vegetables. This is also the reason why I rarely order fruit as a side. Honeydew must be the cheapest of all fruits because most places load up on the green chunks while throwing in a cube of watermelon and a grape. Likewise, when you see "mixed vegetables" as a side you should ask what percentage will be made up of cauliflower. I would be willing to bet close to 96%.
2. Campaigning has overrun television commercials and the roadside. I am just about tired of hearing and seeing why I should vote for these folks. I have however been entertained by some of the candidates' names. Let's start with Young Boozer. No that is not a nickname he got from his fraternity brothers. That is his given name. Kind of hard for me to take you seriously, sir. This name also makes me think of a rapper, like Young Jeezy or Young Buck. I would have been more likely to vote for him had he performed a rap in his commercial, such as "My name be Young Booza, fool. I gon' get mo money fo yo school. Word".
The other guy that cracks me up is Slade Blackwell. This sounds like the name of either an American Gladiator or the villain in a children's book. I am physically unable to say his name in a normal voice. Every time I see one of his signs I must yell his name like he is entering a boxing ring.
3. Have you ever seen the show "Hoarders"? It is like a car wreck... you don't want to look, but you can't help it. I am fascinated by these people and how they justify saving everything. Now, let's face it, we all have the tendency to save things that really should be thrown out or donated to Goodwill. I still have clothes in my closet that I have not been able to wear in a decade, but I hold on to them thinking that eventually I can fit back in them. I also hang on to outdated clothes because I think they would make a great costume (since apparently I go to lots of costume parties). But, these people take this to a whole new level. One of my favorite quotes from an episode I saw yesterday was when this woman's son was helping her clean out her house. He moved a stack of boxes off the floor only to find the most enormous dust bunny I have ever seen. He picked it up and said, "This is not a dust bunny. It is more like a dust wolf." This woman had 57 birds. While watching this they showed a preview for another series on people with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Basically, after watching these shows I want to clean out my closets and then wash my hands 36 times.

Shows That Should Retire

I am currently watching the finale of American Idol. I have not watched a single episode this year, but I am wondering how in the world some of these people made it past their initial audition in some stadium in Oklahoma. My ears are actually bleeding from their tone deaf attempt at a once popular song. This has made me realize that all of the talented singers in America have been on one of the other 724 seasons and it is now time for the show to retire. Simon is leaving, so really who will be left to tell some of these clueless freakshows that not only can they not sing, but they really should ask permission before leaving the mental hospital they came from.

So, along with American Idol, here are a few others that should quit while they are ahead:
1. Anything that involves Heidi and Spencer (If you do not know who I am talking about, consider yourself incredibly lucky)
2. Any one of the 38 versions of Law and Order.
3. The Bachelor/Bachelorette: I used to watch every single season, but now it is way too scripted. Surely these skanky losers are acting.
4. Toddlers and Tiaras: The previews enrage me, so I have never actually watched an episode. Did we not all learn a lesson from Jon Benet? Must we exploit these spoiled little kids and their overweight redneck moms that are living vicariously through them? If you are not potty trained, should you really be wearing more mascara than Tammy Faye?
5. The Simpsons: I have never understood what is so entertaining about this show. The kid has jagged hair and says "Eat my shorts" and you would think it was the funniest thing ever.
6. Nancy Grace: "Natalee Holloway, where arrrre youuu? Her voice grates on my nerves somethin' fierce.

I will now stop venting and allow you to return to your regularly scheduled programming!

School's Out For Summer!

I cannot believe it is already the end of my 4th year of teaching. It really does seem like I just met my students and their parents. I have had a great year and honestly LOVE this group of kids. I am sad to see them go, but I am also looking forward to the break. My students this year have been the most unique group of kids and I have really loved seeing all of their different personalities in action. Tomorrow is their last day with me and then I will go in on Friday to close out and then I will peel out of the parking lot while singing "Looks Like We Made It" at the top of my lungs.

Here are a few things I am looking most forward to this summer:
1. Working as a counselor at Camp Smile-A-Mile
2. Spending time with Carson (my niece)
3. The arrival of my second niece, Maggie!
4. Reading the 863 books I have bought over the past few months
5. Two beach trips (One with my sis and her family and the other one with some sweet friends from school)
6. Sleeping in and getting to eat breakfast (especially cereal with fresh peaches) while watching the Today show
7. Not hearing "Ms. Meadows, Ms. Meadows, Ms. Meadows" 82 kajillion times a day
8. Getting to spend time with one of my favorite students from this year. It will be fun to get to play with her and just have fun outside of school!
9. Hanging out with friends that I never get to see
10. Not having to worry about 26 other people for 8 hours of my day

I LOVE my job... especially right now :)

Just Say No... To Cake

Bad news folks... I fought the cake, and the cake won. I have done TERRIBLE over the past several days. It all started with chocolate squares from Edgar's that I am physically incapable of turning down. Then it steadily continued to go downhill from there. I have two weeks left of school and in those two weeks I have 8 different parties, dinners, showers, etc. to attend. EIGHT, that's right. And do you know what that means? Cake... and lots of it! So, I have decided that there is really no reason for me to even try and be good over the next two weeks, because I know that I will fail and then feel guilty, which would probably involve some form of chocolate to make me feel better.
On another note, I did buy a new Jillian Michaels work-out DVD yesterday, but apparently you must actually do the work-out. Unfortunately simply purchasing the DVD does not help you shed pounds.
So as you can tell, I did not weigh this morning because I really did not want to start my week off with a hissy fit. I am still trying to drink more water and I did at least stock up on fresh strawberries, pineapple, and blueberries to fill me up between cakes (I mean meals) this week. Looking for some motivation... if you have any, please send it my way!

Ode to Mothers

I just woke up from a wonderful two hour nap. Now, for those who know me that is not really a shocking discovery, but my usual naps are not due to being a caretaker for a two and a half year old girl for roughly 18 hours. Over the course of those 18 hours I came to several conclusions.

1. First of all, my niece is a genius. This was really not a new realization, but was just confirmed throughout our time together. She does not forget anything. She will often reference something and I will rack my brain trying to figure out what she is talking about, only to remember this memory from when she was approximately 3 hours old.

2. Have you ever heard that a child's attention span is the child's age in minutes? Since she is 2.5, that would mean she has an attention span of 2.5 minutes. This is FALSE. The equation should actually be half the child's age, which in her case would be about 1 minute and 25 seconds. This morning I was trying to get myself ready, while keeping her entertained in my bedroom where I could easily keep my eye on her. HAHAHA... way easier said than done. I would get the TV set to something she was interested in and get about 1/8 of my hair dry only to find her MIA. This tactic was repeated several times, while I considered giving up and just throwing my wet hair up in a ponytail sans makeup, but that is too scary for the public, so I battled on. How my sister makes it out the door with make-up, teeth brushed, hair fixed is a mystery to me.

3. My house is NOT kid proofed at all. I realized this about 2 minutes after we arrived at my house when I was locked out by "the genius". When she let me back in she was devouring a Hershey kiss. I'm surprised she wasn't laying on the couch reading People and watching Jersey Shore. Before she comes back for another spend the night party I will need to make sure I am in full lockdown mode, like Fort Knox. Chains will need to be used on all drawers, doors, cabinets, etc. Carson would run off for a minute and return with a treasure she had dug out of the depths of some drawer, which of course meant that whatever was covering this treasure, was now littered throughout the room she was in. Seeing as I am a "little" (read "way") anal, I basically followed her around the whole time picking up whatever she had thrown down, spit out, knocked over, etc.

4. Carson LOVES Oscar (my cat). Unfortunately, Oscar does not share her feelings. He finally reached a point where he would quietly emerge and peek around the corner only to find that she was still here. He would then turn around and slink back to his hiding spot with a scowl on his face. I typically do not chase him around the house while squealing and trying to pull his tail, so he was not used to this behavior.

5. I absolutely adore my niece and cannot wait for her to come back again! We were talking today about all of the fun things we can do together this summer since I will be out of school. I am looking forward to spending lots of time with her and helping Ashley get ready for Maggie's arrival.

Say It Ain't So...

Well, I was going to update you all yesterday, but I just could not believe that the scales were correct, so I decided to weigh again this morning to give you a more accurate update. In reality, I decided to weigh again this morning because there was no way I was going to accept that I had gained 3.4 pounds last week. No way, uh uh, not buyin' it. Well, as I figured, according to the scales this morning, I lost 2.6 pounds yesterday. So, as you can see, something is wrong with my scales. Basically I really don't know what my current weight is, but here are the things I do know:
1) I have really cut back on drinking cokes. I am trying to force myself to drink more water, which means I have been going to the bathroom lots. I feel like it is flushing my body of lots of bad stuff, which is good because I LOVE to clean things out, so why not clean out my body? I have even considered doing one of those acai cleanse thingies, but feel like I would need to be bathroom accessible for at least 48 hours.
2) I still hate to exercise (which is why I have easily justified not doing it over the past 2 days), but when I do it, I feel better knowing I have sweated and burned a few calories. I even went on a hike with my brother on Sunday. It was great (for the first 30 minutes) until he decided to cut off the path and hike up a straight incline. Seeing as I am not an outdoorsy girl, I have no "gear", which meant that he was easily maneuvering over roots, boulders, etc. in his hiking boots, while I was clumsily stumbling around in my New Balances. But, we had fun and the weather was perfect.
3) I am really trying to do better about snacking. For some reason, I think that 22 handfuls of different foods = zero points. This afternoon I was really hungry when I got home, so I ate a few pretzels, some chocolate chips, a bite or two of english peas, and a Tootsie pop. Gotta do better about that.
I will keep ya posted on my progress!

What Not to Wear

As a teacher I am constantly amazed at what some parents allow their children to wear to school. Since I teach at an elementary school our dress code is pretty laid back, but this time of the year we start to see more questionable choices as many fifth grade girls follow in the footsteps of Miley and Britney and decide to show more skin. The other day I had to tell one girl that her cut-off denim shorts were way too short. I also wanted to ask why she thought they went well with her Ugg boots and neon yellow t-shirt. There are also several girls that have recently started wearing Converse knee-high boots that lace up. These remind me more of something that Jack Black probably wore in Nacho Libre. There are always some kids who wear shorts year round, even in the dead of winter, and there are others who will wear their North Face fleece jacket, even when they have the sleeves pushed up to their armpits and are leaving a trail of sweat behind them.
My two favorite t-shirts I have seen at school lately read, "Hold my headgear while I kiss your girlfriend" and "ITAPPA KEGGA". The second child explained to his teacher that his shirt was for a fraternity. She kindly explained that the shirt was not from a fraternity (maybe for one of their favorite past times), and should not be worn again.
Now, as a disclaimer, I made plenty of questionable fashion choices throughout my school years. I once tried to start a new trend by wearing a fishing vest to school. Sadly no one followed in my footsteps. I always had a hard time finding pants and shoes seeing as I am 6 feet tall with size 12 feet. I was wearing capris long before capris were cool, thanks to a few too many pairs of pants that took a trip through the drier, but stirrup pants were great because I could always stretch them out to be long enough (even if this caused the crotch to be down at my knees). I also wore way too much silk, ruffles, ruffled silk, flannel, crocheted fabrics, vests, etc. I am sure that if Stacey and Clinton had seen me in 7th grade they would have died of laughter or sheer embarrassment on my behalf.

Sweet Success

Well, I am 1 week into my body boot camp, and after a minor setback that involved delicious cake salvaged off the floor (that was worth every single point), I weighed in this morning to a loss of 3.6 pounds! I was very excited to see that my work over the past week payed off. After I got home this afternoon, I continued with my walking/jogging routine even though it was hot and muggy and well beyond my comfort level that normally involves very little sweating. Do I still want to head to Zaxby's for a tasty dinner of fries, chicken fingers, and buttery toast? Well, yes, of course! Am I trying to do better and make better choices? Yes. Is that always easy? Uhm, no. But, I see what a difference it makes and so, I am trying.

Conclusions

Well, the first 3 days of my body boot camp have gone pretty well. I have written everything down and stayed in my point range each day. I have walked/jogged (if you can call it jogging) twice this week and am aiming to go 2 more times. Here are some of the conclusions I have drawn over the past 3 days:
1) It is much, much cheaper to be fat. When I went grocery shopping to stock up for this week I was shocked at how much fruits and vegetables cost. Pretty sure my buggy full of Oreos, Doritos, assorted miniature candy bars (because don't we all feel better when we eat 6 mini Twix, as opposed to one regular sized one) was a whole lot cheaper.
2) You fellow Weight Watchers have heard their famous quote, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." What a load of crap. Whoever came up with this wise saying has obviously never had strawberry cake from Edgar's or chocolate pie from Johnny Ray's.
3) The Battle of the Bulge (over the top of my pants) has started back up, and I am determined to win! One of my students loves to touch the flab on people's arms. I was talking about this with my aide earlier today and then wondered why this same child then came up and kept patting my stomach. Hmmm... wait a minute... Ummm is she playing with my stomach flab? Uh yes. Guess my "suck-it-all-in" camisole was not doing its job.
4) I am pretty sure that one of my neighbors comes out to smoke pot in his car around 5 each day. The two days I have been walking he has been sitting in his car that is facing the street with a very large smile on his face and a strange odor wafting from his car.
5) The next 3 days will bring lots of temptations. I have a shower at a wine bar after school tomorrow, a graduation party Friday night, and a cook-out Saturday night. That is a whole lot of cake to turn down... praying that I will have some sort of self-control from deep inside.
I will be sure to check back in after the weekend to let you know how I did and what the scales say!

Back in the Saddle(bags) Again

So, here I am, back in that annoying place I have been so many times before - climbing the hill on the rollercoaster of dieting. Last January (2009), my friend Keri and I started Weight Watchers together. I also joined Curves and really stuck with counting/tracking my points. By September I had lost 40 lbs. I went to the doctor last week, and as always, they kindly welcomed me by showing me my growing weight (Nice to see you, too...ya jerks). Since September, I have gained back about 15 pounds. I have lots of excuses for why that is (football season, holidays, stress, cream cheese whispering my name until I caved and re-united with my old friend), but none of them are worthy of gaining back any of those pounds I worked so hard to lose.
I have started and re-started Weight Watchers approximately 37 times since January. Many Sunday nights have been deemed "The Last Supper" as I loaded up on a buffet of cheese, butter, chocolate, etc. in a last attempt to enjoy myself. The weeks have gone well, but I usually blow it over the weekend, which would be okay if I wanted to maintain my current weight, but I DON'T. So, here we go again.
Weight loss is not easy for me because of several reasons:
1) I LOVE food. I find small joy in a perfect cupcake or cheese dip or lasagna. The great thing about Weight Watchers, is I can still have all of those things, but I have to recondition my mind about what appropriate portions are. Apparently a whole basket of chips with cheese dip is slightly excessive.
2) I have little self control when it comes to food, especially sweets. If you offer me a donut or a brownie, I have a very hard time saying, "No thanks, I will have this delicious fat-free, sugar-free, taste-free chocolate pudding instead."
3) I do not enjoy exercise. One might say that I actually hate it. Okay, so that one would be me, but whatever. I do not like to sweat and I am lazy, so physical exercise ranks right up there with a trip to the gyno.
Basically, I can keep using these excuses until I am right back to where I started, or I can get serious this time and start losing again. I am choosing the latter. Over the next few weeks I will let you know how it's going and hopefully have some success to share with all of you. I am hereby officially stating that I am putting on my big girl panties and dealin' with it!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

Here are a few things I am loving right now:
1) Music: I love Kari Jobe. She is a Christian singer with one of the most beautiful voices. Her songs are amazing. I also love Rita Springer. She is another Christian singer who has some great songs of praise and worship.
2) TV: YAY!!! Glee has finally returned! Oh how I have missed Sue Sylvester and her completely inappropriate comments that kinda make me cringe. I have also developed an obsession with Alias. Yes, I know it came on long ago, but my friend Julie has gotten me hooked on it. She owns the first 3 seasons, so we have watched all of those and just finished the fourth season (which has been my favorite so far).
3) Books: I have been reading lots lately. I just finished The Help, which I loved. I am now reading House Rules, which is Jodi Picoult's latest. If you have not read any of her books, you need to start now! They are soooo good. I have also started reading Janet Evanovich's series about Stephanie Plum, the world's worst bounty hunter. These books are good, quick reads between the more intense books on my list.
4) Food: Yesterday I went to Auburn for A-Day with Ashley and Carson. Our road trip of course called for snacks, so I made "the world's best trail mix" (if I do say so myself). Yogurt covered pretzles, M&M's, goldfish crackers, mixed nuts, and chocoalte Cheerios.
5) Fashion: I am so glad it is warm again and I can wear capris, sandals, and shorts. I also love that my hair has finally gotten long enough to pull up in a wee ponytail. I have LOTS of thick hair, so it feels so great to pull it up off my neck. I tried scrunching it up last week. It actually held the curl pretty well, but some of my family members were not feelin' it. "What did you do to your hair? You look like you have jheri curl." "Whoa, what happened to your hair?" Of course all of these comments came from men. What do they know??

What are you loving right now?? Do tell.

F-Bombs Away

Times, they are a changin'... Each year I am more and more amazed at what 5th graders say. The things they know at this age blows me away. I am pretty sure when I was in 5th grade I still thought boys had cooties and the worst word I knew was "butt".
One year I asked my kids what some of their favorite movies were and I got everything from Scary Movie to Saw. Most of the movies they named were rated R. The first rated R movie I saw was Pretty Woman (which now a days would probably be rated PG). Sidenote: Pretty sure that using the phrase "now a days" makes me old.
This year many of my boys have an obsession with WWF (wrestling). In the past month I have taken up 2 wrestling magazines that are full of scantily clad women. Pretty sure they didn't check that out from our school library.
The biggest shocker to me, though has been the 3 F-bombs that have been dropped in my classroom in the past 2 years. Last year I had a student singing a song using words that rhymed with luck (duck, buck, f***). Of course the kids that heard him reacted with lots of giggles, which only made him sing it again and again until finally one child came and told me he was saying "the F word". I pulled him in the hallway and asked him what he was saying. He said the word and asked what the big deal was. After I picked my jaw up off the ground I explained to him that the word he said was a very very very bad word that he should never ever use again.
This year as we were lining up for lunch I had a child simply ask (in front of the whole class), "Ms. Meadows is f*** a bad word?" In my shock I said, "What did you just say?" which of course caused him to repeat the word. I gave him the same speech I had given the student the previous year.
Just a few weeks ago I had the 3rd student yell out the word in a moment of frustration because he had not completed his work. Needless to say, seeing as he used the word knowing full and well what it meant, his consequences were a little more severe.
Disclaimer: I assure you that these students are not repeating ANYTHING they have heard me say, unless they are mind-readers (just kidding).

The Final Countdown...

I cannot believe it is already April! It seems like just last week I was packing up all my Christmas decorations. Now, here we are with 80 degree weather, flip flop feet, and the overwhelming anxiety that comes with the arrival of swimsuits in all department stores. (By the way, I have often wondered why Spanx doesn't make swimsuits. Well, now they do!). So, my toes are polished, my legs are finally shaved above my knees again, and I am loving sitting outside in this brief window of time before it becomes stifling.

This is my fourth year teaching and it really does feel like each year goes by a little faster. I am very ready for summer, but I will be sad to see this class leave. So, here we are with 37 school days left until summer... but who's counting? I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!