I am woman, hear me... curse!

So, in keeping with the theme of my previous post, I decided to repair my oven because I don't need no mans to take care a me. The heating element in the bottom of my oven broke a few weeks ago, so I called around and found a place that had a replacement. I went and picked it up last week, but have yet to actually install said replacement. Earlier today I thought about callin up my deddy to come help, but I thought to myself, "Girl, you can do this." So I got out my toolkit and set to figuring out how to select the appropriate sized screw remover. I think that tool might be called a wrench, but I really have no clue. I finally got the right fit and got the two lugnuts (pretty sure that is wrong, too) out. When I proceeded to pull the old part out I felt some resistance. So what's a girl to do? Putcha back into it and yank that sucker out. Well, this would have been fine, except for the fact that I then witnessed a beautiful display of sparks that rivaled 4th of July fireworks. "(Insert choice of four letter words). Hmmm... pretty sure that is not supposed to happen. I should probably stop." So, now I have a broken oven, non-working stovetop, and some singed eyebrows. I think this calls for a Starbucks run!

Sekerity

First of all, if you have never been introduced to Bon Qui Qui click here. Now, gimme a minute to make a connection to this video.

WARNING, WARNING! This is a long 'un cause I gotst a lotst to say.

I want to be married. I want to have children. There, I said it. I want to be confident in Christ and whatever He has planned for me, but that is really presenting a challenge for me right now. Think of something that you really want(ed) for your life (kids, a certain job, a spouse, etc.) Now consider the possibility that God didn't have that in His plan for you. Would you still trust Him? In all honesty, I am really struggling with that right now. Do I trust Him if his plans for me do not include those things that I strongly desire? Do I trust Him enough to let go of those desires and find rest and "sekerity" in Him? Do I trust Him enough to lay those desires down for good... like forever? How do we develop faith if we always get everything we want? Why would I have a need to trust in God if I had all the things I have ever dreamed of? Uncertainty develops faith and obedience.

Okay, let me back up and explain how I got to this point. I can remember ever since I was in middle school having spend the night parties and staying up until the middle of the night talking with my friends about getting married one day and how wonderful it would be. Over the years I looked on as friend after friend got engaged and started their married lives. I was consumed with jealousy and self-pity for a while because their grass looked so green to me. Then I realized that I could waste time wishing for the future or I could enjoy where I am in my life right now... which I have done. I have made some great new friends, I have a great house and job, and I have done lots of things that I probably never would have done had I been married. I have really been seeking what God wants me to do right now while still praying for my future.

My dating experience has been minimal, so last year I finally decided to give online dating a go after some encouraging from a friend who was already doing it. I signed up on match.com and met some interesting (read "weird") people (that I will later detail for you because at least my experiences will provide entertainment for someone) and after 3 months called it quits. A year later I decided to give it another try and chose to use a different site this time. Another friend of mine had met someone through eHarmony and they both seemed like normal people, so I took about 67 hours to fill out an in-depth personality test and then started to get matched up with some folks. Again, I have met some interesting people. The most recent guy that I got to know has only proven to be another disappointment. Last week I became very frustrated with the situation and decided to get out of town for a couple of days and refocus myself. I had been wanting to go to the beach for a while, so on Thursday I packed a bag, booked a (sketchy) hotel room and headed to Gulf Shores. It was a great "Mer"cation and a wonderful time with my Savior who loves me more than any person ever will. I spent lots of time reading my Bible and seeking God's peace. I have a very tender and emotional heart when it comes to relationships, especially with guys. I am learning more about guarding my heart and finding confidence in Christ. (Okay, now I am going to make my connection) There is an amazing "sekerity" in Christ that I am learning to rest in. It is freeing to realize that when I get too deep in my own thoughts and emotions, I can yell out "sekerity" and my amazing Protector reaches in to pull me out and hold me in His arms. The Bible study that I am doing right now is called "Giving Christ Control". Each chapter that I have read over the past several days has been amazing. I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit used these words to reach me where I am. And that to me is incredible. My God is great! My God is strong! My God is love! My God is "sekerity"!

Update

I am currently down 16.6 pounds, but I am not really celebrating that quite yet because I know that the weight loss I have seen over the past few weeks is not really due to hard work, but more to the impact of stress. I have not been eating because I have had no appetite over the past couple of weeks. Which is great when I go weigh in and see that I lost 5 pounds in one week. But it is also bad because I know that I will quickly see those pesky pounds again when I get my appetite back. I also know that Thanksgiving is right around the corner with Christmas on its heels, which means lots and lots of food, so I am going to prepare myself for the holidays and hope that I am not starting all over again in January.

7

... is the number of pounds I have lost over the past two weeks! It has actually been pretty easy getting back on track and I feel good about the success I have had so far. Now, I know the next step is to start exercising again. That I am not excited about. Is it sad that I was overjoyed when I got a call from Curves the other day saying that my payment didn't go through this month since my credit card number on file has changed? Is it bad that I did not even call them back? Is it sad that I have now paid close to $400 over the past year for a membership that I have not used? I don't think they will be shocked to not hear back from me.

Happy Fall Y'all

Fall in the South is pretty much an extension of summer. This time of year always cracks me up because you will see anything from spaghetti straps and flip flops to sweaters and Ugg boots. It is difficult to decide whether you should dress for the season or the weather. In most places this time of year is referred to as fall, which means you should put away the sandals and capris, but here in Alabama it is "Hotumn" which means it is still in the mid 80's during the day. I have refused to give up my sandals and begin shoving my feet back into their close-toed prisons until I absolutely have to.

I am also humored by the number of people in my neighborhood that actually celebrate Halloween more than on the 31st. The number of people with Halloween inflatables, mailbox decorations, etc. amazes me. (The fact that most of these people also have "Roll Tide" bumper stickers is very telling).

But, I will also say that I cannot wait for that brief window of time when the leaves start to change. It is one of the absolute most beautiful times to be in Birmingham. This is a picture I took a few years ago of the view when I walk out my front door.

So, go get on your flip flops, fleece jacket, and get out and enjoy the weather. Happy Hotumn!

One Week Down

I am back on track... and it feels good! There are a few things that have really helped this time around. My friend Keri coordinated with Weight Watchers to get a meeting set up at our school, so it is great to be doing this with friends at work. My sister is also doing Weight Watchers and she has found some great websites with tasty recipes (www.skinnytaste.com). She and I knew that football season in the South is a hard time to try and lose weight, but she found some great things we could have this past Saturday and I did not feel like I was on a diet.

I have also realized that one of my biggest problems is that I find way too much joy in food. When I am having a really crappy day I want to cheer myself up by getting something sugary, cheesey, or fried on my way home. I know this about myself, so I am trying to find other things to enjoy.

I also realize that if something sounds too good to be true... it probably is. Yesterday I was trying to find a salad dressing that would be low in points, but not taste awful. I found a Ranch dressing that was 0 calories and fat free. I gave it a try and it is now safely stored at the bottom of my trash can. How Walden Farms stays in business selling that kind of crap, I do not know.

I was not at school today for the meeting, so I did not get to weigh in, but I will let you know the results after next Tuesday.

Ashamed

I know, I know... I have been MIA for a month, which is ridiculous. I have said several times, "Oh, I have got to blog about that." Of course, now that I am actually sitting down to update you I have no idea what those funny things were that I thought would make good blog material.

So, I will give you some very unsettling and depressing news instead... Remember all those pounds I lost a year ago? Well, I found them... and they brought back friends with them. Remember in April when I declared I was getting back in the (weight loss) game? And I did... for about 72 hours? Well, that was 5 months (and many pounds) ago. Remember when I said that if I didn't get with it, I was going to be right back where I started? Well, hello square one... So great to see you again. When I put on a (snug) pair of pants this morning that were huge on me last year I didn't cry. When I considered if I should use the pregnant woman's "rubberband trick" on these pants, I didn't scream. When I weighed this afternoon at my Weight Watchers meeting, I didn't begin sobbing upon seeing that large number in ink. Why? Because I feel like it can't be worse than it is at this moment. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will be back in the game... again. Tomorrow I will make better decisions. And next Tuesday when I weigh in I will be encouraged that my weight is once again going down and not up. I will keep you posted on my progress... and come hell or high water there will be progress this time!