Up and Over

As mentioned earlier (see "Perspective") last week I worked as a camp counselor. When I received the tentative schedule for our week I was a little concerned when I saw that all counselors would be required to take a swim test upon arriving at camp. Immediately I became anxious about being asked to demonstrate the butterfly and appropriate flip turn at the end of the pool while the cast of Baywatch critiqued me from poolside. All of these worries were for nothing when we arrived at the pool and were asked to simply tell the staff how well we could swim. I never even had to shed my swim cover-up.

Crisis averted... or so I thought.

Skip to the next morning when we were supposed to have breakfast and then do team-building activities before the campers arrived. We were led to a ropes course where I (naively) assumed we would do a simple trust fall, sing "Kumbaya", and call it a day. Needless to say, I was wrong... way wrong. Had I known ahead of time what we would be asked to do I am sure I could have come down with the 3 hour bubonic plague to be excused from this activity. We were broken into different groups and assigned a staff member that would lead us through "Satan's Torture Games". Our first activity required a lot of balance, which I handled okay. We finished that and I was still thinking, "This isn't so bad." I knew better when our instructor led our group to a 15 foot fall and explained that we would all have to get over it. I was thinking to myself, "Hmmm, this guy is funny. There is no ladder or rope or escalator, so obviously this is a joke. Seriously, what's next, Rambo?" He gave us the rules for this activity, which would require two people to man the top of the wall. They would help pull you over once the other group members lifted you up from the bottom of the wall.

Now, let's take a moment to get the full mental picture here. I am 6 feet tall and have what appears to be a 2nd trimester belly. I also have considerable junk in the trunk.

I was speechless. How in the world were these people going to hoist my badonkadonk over this wall?!? I began thinking of excuses, but one (82 pound) girl assured me that our group would not be able to move on until ALL the members were over the wall. "Ummm, easy for you to say, Barbie. Pretty sure I saw you nibbling on a blueberry at breakfast while I had an extra donut." I stood away from the group and observed the first 4 or 5 people lifted and pulled over the wall with no trouble. I continued to inch slowly back until Vesta (who is in her 60's) kindly reminded my group that, "You better get her over before you send too many people to the other side." Why, thank you Vesta. I appreciate your support and encouraging words. The group then turned their attention to me and encouraged me to give it a go. (Sure why not, it will be your graves). All I could think to say to the 2 guys at the bottom of the wall that would have to shoulder my weight was "I am so sorry." They used their hands as steps for me and pushed me up to the 2 guys waiting at the top. These 2 grabbed my arms and pulled me to the top (only slightly dislocating my shoulders).

Surely that was the worst of it, right? Wrong again.

Next we headed to a circle of hula hoops with a rope dangling in the middle. We would need to swing from one hula hoop to the next using the rope (Tarzan-style). "Uhm, have we not already learned that I am out of shape and have no upper body strength whatsoever? I thought this was supposed to build team unity, not humiliate the chubby girl and provide hours of laughter for her group members later." Well, here we go. I reached up as high as I could on the rope and prepared to swing into the other hula hoop where a very skinny boy was braced to catch me. I attempted to swing the first time and simply fell off the rope into the leaves. "Great, this should be loads of fun." Take two... I swung and pulled my leg behind me like a kick-stand. Take three... while the instructor was not looking I inched my hula hoop toward the other one so I could basically just jump into it.

We did a few more activities that were about as bad, but by that point I really could not have been any more humiliated. What a great way to get to know the other counselors, right?! Uhm, no! I suggest next year we have a tiki bar and play some charades.