How To Speak Carson...

I love listening to Carson (my niece) talk, especially when she makes up words or whole sentences that my sister can easily interpret for those who are not accustomed to her 2 year old dialect. For example...
"I want to hold you" = Please pick me up. Obviously her holding me would be considered child abuse in many countries.
"I need paper towels" = I am upset, but once I go wipe my tears with toilet paper and then flush it down the toilet I will run from the bathroom exclaiming, "I happy now!"
"Ageeeen" = I like whatever song we have listened to 872 times and would like to hear it again.
"Merty likes girls" = We have been discussing what the sex of Ashley's baby would be (we now know that it's a GIRL!) and Carson would always say that she liked boys. Then she would proclaim that Merty likes girls, Poppy likes boys, etc. I tried to explain to her that I would appreciate her not yelling this out in any public places.
"Carson play peeno, Merty play scarf" = I would like to play my piano and since there are no other instruments available, could you please wave this scarf and act like it is making music.
"Blah, blah, stilettos, blah, blah, Party in the USA" = Yes, she can sing almost the entire Miley Cyrus hit. She also knows Single Ladies and Popular (from Wicked)

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Rules to live by:
1. Never start a sentence with "I don't know how to put this nicely..." That just tells me that you probably didn't try very hard to do so and you are about to say something that I will consider offensive.
2. If you are a parent, please never start a conference with your child's teacher by saying, "This year, my child has learned the least." (And this statement is only made worse when you preface it with the statement from #1).
3. Huge is NOT a synonym for tall, so yes, I did find it offensive when a student from a few years ago told me that he just loved having a huge teacher. After I stopped sobbing and picked my jaw up off the floor, he explained that he meant tall. Not the same, not the same at all.
4. Please never ask me if I am having a baby unless I am wearing a shirt that says, "I am having a baby, so please feel free to comment on the size of my belly." (This question came from a student this past week. I responded with "Ummm no, and you now have silent lunch and an F in conduct.")
5. Never ask a room full of 10/11 year olds how old they think you are. I typically get guesses from 21 - 72.
Lesson to take away from this... if you start to think to yourself, "Hmm... should I say this? The answer is probably NO so do us all a favor and keep your pie hole shut!"

Back Off...

After leaving school yesterday afternoon (Friday) I immediately made a trip to Wal Mart. Here is the list of items I purchased:
Tampons
Bottle of Wine
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Reece's Peanut Butter Egg
Jelly Beans
Diet Mountain Dew

After starting my day with my faithful monthly visitor and ending my day very frustrated with 25 ten year olds I wanted to ask the cashier if my purchase came with a free t-shirt that read "Do NOT mess with me!" or "Warning! Woman on the Verge of a Mental Breakdown"

Cravings

Maybe I have very messed up taste buds, or maybe I am having weird cravings as some sort of sympathy pregnancy symptoms for my sister, or perhaps it is some odd subconcious effort to revert to my childhood, but I have been having very odd cravings lately. Within the past week I have seen foods served at school or mentioned in a book I was reading that I immediately began craving. Here are a few of the foods I have been craving:
English Peas and Mashed Potatoes
Buttered Toast with Grape Jelly
Tuna Salad Sandwich with Tomato Soup
Tater Tots
Strawberry Pop-Tarts (toasted) with Milk
Fish Sticks
Buttered Popcorn
Taco Bell
(This list would also be a reason why no one should make a grocery run on an empty stomach).

Happy Valentine's Day!

Typically, Valentine's Day is for sappy couples who feel the need to display their love for one another in all types of public places, thus making the rest of us nauseous and a little uncomfortable. It is also a day for heart-shaped boxes of mystery chocolates, where you continuously risk biting into something with an odd pink filling in the search for the one lone caramel center.
But it is also the day of "Love", so I wanted to share with you some of the people that I love:
1. God is teaching me soooo much about his unconditional love that cannot ever be matched by any other relationship. I am learning more about deepening my relationship with Him.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39
2. My family is amazingly supportive, encouraging, and loving. I consider myself so blessed to have close relationships with my family, especially my mom and sister. (See also - "Constantly Entertained by a 2 Year Old")
3. My friends keep me laughing and smiling. I have been fortunate to make and keep friendships from all different points in my life. I still keep in touch with friends I made in middle/high school and look forward to seeing them. No matter how much time has passed, it is like we just saw each other the day before. I made some great friends in college and now have more recent friendships with people from church or school. God has blessed me with a great support system.
4. I love my job and my co-workers. I look forward to going to work each day because I have such an amazing opportunity to see kids learn and grow. My job is made that much better by the people that I work with on a daily basis. They keep me sane when things get a little chaotic.

So, make sure you tell your friends, family, co-workers, etc. how much you love them and appreciate the impact they have made/are making on your life. Happy Valentine's Day!

Continuously Entertained by a 2 Year Old

For those of you who don't know... I have the absolute most adorable 2 year old niece. I love her soooo much and am having so much fun watching her grow, explore, and learn. She is already so smart and funny and I love any time I get to spend with her because I am sure to be humored or amazed by her! Here are a few things that have made me laugh...
I was baby-sitting her one night and decided to get us a cupcake to split. I promised her some of the cupcake once she finished her dinner. After she finished eating, I cut the side off the cupcake (definitely not half) and excitedly presented it to her. She looked back at me with furrowed eyebrows and said, "Awww, little baby". Ashley said she woke up the next morning looking for Aunt Merty, but I thought she was most likely looking for the rest of that cupcake that I gypped her.
Yesterday we were reading a book together and it talked about how an elephant uses its trunk to take a bath. I commented on this and she adamantly responded, "NOOO, I Not take a nap." I tried to explain that I had said "bath" not "nap", but she cut me off by putting her hand over my mouth and saying, "No more talking."
Also, this past summer when we were at the beach, Ashley asked if she wanted to get in the kiddie pool. She responded with "Meow", obviously thinking that this was a pool for kittens.

Snow Place Like the South

Nine times outta ten, when the meteorologists predict snow... we get nothin', but that doesn't stop me from getting my hopes up each and every time. I am so torn right now between wanting to have a snow day tomorrow and not wanting to make this day up later. The child in me wishes for snowflakes galore, with which I could build snowmen, have snowball fights, and create snow angels. Fingers crossed for some of the white stuff (uncrossed, crossed, uncrossed...). By the way, any talk of snow always makes me think back to "The Blizzard of '93".

Makes Me Laugh

Here are the links to some of my favorite YouTube videos:

Injured Bad
Karate
Baby Laughing
The Evil Eye
Leprechaun

A Grape, A Dare, and A Heroic Teacher

I was recently reminded of one of the scariest moments of my teaching career thus far. Actually, it was scary at the moment, but now it is somewhat humorous. My second year of teaching I was at the lunch table one day when a student ran up to my table holding his throat with both hands. I determined that he was choking and immediately leaped from my chair to administer my loose interpretation of the Heimlich maneuver. Another teacher ran to get the nurse as I put my arms around him and proceeded to pull upward. Now, please keep in mind I am 6 feet tall, so in order for me to apply upward force I was actually lifting this child off the floor. So here I stand in the middle of the lunchroom lifting this poor child off the floor while his legs flail wildly. The nurse finally came in and asked him to cough hard. The lunchroom was dead silent as hundreds of eyes looked on at my heroic efforts. After the child swallowed the grape that he bet someone he could swallow whole (umm, yes he lost that bet) and left with the nurse, everyone burst into applause as I sat down and burst into tears.

The Power of Jesus

God has really been speaking to me through my Bible study lately, so I wanted to share a few things that I read this past week. I have LOVED this workbook, so if you are looking for a good Bible study, I highly recommend this one ("Experiencing the Heart of Jesus" by Max Lucado) This week has been about the power of Jesus. I read the prayer that started off the week over and over because it was so accurate and well-put:
Dear Father, Your power is greater than my every need, than my every fear. Your power has conquered sin and death. Teach me to rest confidently in your strong hands. Help me to rely on your power, and when I do not understand why things are happening, show me how Jesus can meet me at the point of my greatest weakness with his perfect power.
Here are some other things that spoken to me this week:
"What I have in God is greater than what I don't have in life."
"Faith is a conviction that He can, and a hope that He will."
"God's help is near and always available, but it is only given to those who seek it."
"Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is real and that he rewards those who truly want to find him." - Hebrews 11:6

Kids Say the Darndest Things...

Recent Quotes from 5th Grade:
"Which part of the chicken is the nugget?"
"How much money should I put on a $5 gift card?"
"Ms. Meadows, are you wearing a Bumpit?"
Teacher: "Where do you think the red-tailed hawk gets its name?" Student: "Ummm... because it flies?"
"Ohhh, now I get it... April showers bring the Mayflower!"
"Is an F+ a D?"
"Ms. Meadows, we have been doing line dancing in PE, but we are about to start doing pole dancing!" (Not what it sounds like... There will be poles on the ground and they have to jump over them or something like that.)
"Ms. Meadows, I like sitting by you while you read to us because you are soft and squishy."

Look Alikes

Over the past week I have noticed that people have been changing their profile picture on Facebook to that of someone they have been told they look like. Unfortunately only one image came to mind (and no it is not Cindy Crawford or Heidi Klum). I was once told by my sweet sister that I looked like Marge Simpson due to the fact that I had tried curling my very thick hair, which resulted in a Marge-esque hair don't. Earlier this year I asked my students to write about their favorite invention. I heard lots about the television, IPod, Wii, cell phone, etc., but I would have to say hands-down best invention ever... Hair Straightener (without which I would daily be compared to Marge or Bozo the Clown).