Here are some of my new favorite quotes:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."
"If you ignore my muffin top, I'll ignore your bald spot."
"Breakups are like a bikini wax - Excruciating, but so worth it."
"Sometimes life hands you a hell sandwich."
"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it... or if you live in Hollywood, just put any panties on and quit showing us your baby maker."
"The older you are the harder it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are BFF's"
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