Refining

Refine - to remove impurities or unwanted elements from (a worthwhile, yet unfun process)

This morning I was driving to school and just chatting with God and telling Him how frustrating it is to be trying so hard to mold these 14 hearts and prevent them from going down the wrong path.  I feel like so many of them are internally fighting against this process because they are ten, hormonal, and just plain crazy emotional at this stage.  It is a refining time for several of them (worthwhile, but unfun).

And then God just totally stopped me in my tracks and spoke so clearly to me... "Yeah, I feel the exact same way."  Since returning from Africa I have often said that I feel like this is a refining season for me in many different ways.  Basically I feel like a hot mess.  This blog post does such a great job of summing up my thoughts and emotions during this time... click here.  The refining process is difficult when you are not sure what the Lord is trying to bring to the surface.  And so I come to His feet and say, "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalm 139:23-24

Lord, mold me.  Refine me.  I know that the heat is necessary to bring the impurities to the surface.  Give me the boldness and courage to lay all of my yuck at your feet and ask that you cleanse me.  Speak clearly to me and give me open ears to hear from you.  Thank you for your patience, grace, and mercy throughout this process.  I want to be healthy and whole.  I want to be prepared for wherever you are leading me.  I repent of my selfishness, negativity, and worry.  I ask for your forgiveness for putting you in the passenger seat and trying to manage and run things on my own.  Clearly that is working out horribly at this point.  I just want to be in your presence.  I just want to be used by you.  May I be fit to be used by you.  I surrender myself to this process, however long it takes.  Break my heart for what breaks yours.  Amen.