Condemnation vs. Conviction

I have really been struggling lately with feelings of condemnation, which I think is the enemy's way of distracting me from what God is trying to do in my life right now.  This was a really good article about understanding the difference between condemnation and conviction.

Click here.

Timeline

June 2012 - Mission trip to Haiti
July 2012 - Offered job at Cornerstone Schools of Alabama teaching middle school Science
August 2012 - First hear about the World Race
March 2013 - Hanna starts talking about doing the World Race and applies
August 2013 - Hanna leaves for the World Race
February 2014 - Asked to move from middle school to 4th grade, begrudgingly accepted job
August 2014 - Began teaching 4th grade
May 2015 - Mission trip to Tanzania
June 2015 - Present Day: Stirred, discontent, longing

Things I have read about, considered, researched, etc.:
Sozo Children
Samaritan's Purse
International schools
Refugee camps
World Race
SIM
AIM
IMB
Syrian Refugee Aide
Niger, Africa
Jesus Film Project
(un)adopted
Cafe 1040
Amazima, Kisses from Katie
Bogota, Colombia
Launch Global

Refining

Refine - to remove impurities or unwanted elements from (a worthwhile, yet unfun process)

This morning I was driving to school and just chatting with God and telling Him how frustrating it is to be trying so hard to mold these 14 hearts and prevent them from going down the wrong path.  I feel like so many of them are internally fighting against this process because they are ten, hormonal, and just plain crazy emotional at this stage.  It is a refining time for several of them (worthwhile, but unfun).

And then God just totally stopped me in my tracks and spoke so clearly to me... "Yeah, I feel the exact same way."  Since returning from Africa I have often said that I feel like this is a refining season for me in many different ways.  Basically I feel like a hot mess.  This blog post does such a great job of summing up my thoughts and emotions during this time... click here.  The refining process is difficult when you are not sure what the Lord is trying to bring to the surface.  And so I come to His feet and say, "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalm 139:23-24

Lord, mold me.  Refine me.  I know that the heat is necessary to bring the impurities to the surface.  Give me the boldness and courage to lay all of my yuck at your feet and ask that you cleanse me.  Speak clearly to me and give me open ears to hear from you.  Thank you for your patience, grace, and mercy throughout this process.  I want to be healthy and whole.  I want to be prepared for wherever you are leading me.  I repent of my selfishness, negativity, and worry.  I ask for your forgiveness for putting you in the passenger seat and trying to manage and run things on my own.  Clearly that is working out horribly at this point.  I just want to be in your presence.  I just want to be used by you.  May I be fit to be used by you.  I surrender myself to this process, however long it takes.  Break my heart for what breaks yours.  Amen.

An Open Letter to My Students

Dear Students,
Do you know how many students I have taught so far?  Around 300.  Ten class lists of names.  But the names on those lists are not just names.  They also represent a family and a home (some good, healthy, and full of encouragement and love while others have been lonely, empty, and hurtful).  Oh what I would give to change some of your circumstances and undo some of the things you have seen, heard, and experienced in your young little life.  But that's not how it works.

You bring into my class your life up to that point.  Some of you come in wide-eyed, innocent, silly, and every bit your age.  While some of you come in bitter, apathetic, distant, with the attitude and demeanor of someone who has led a much longer and harsher life than you should have.  It breaks my heart.  It literally hurts me for the hurt you have endured.  But I can't undo the past.  I can't change it for you.

I see so much potential in you to literally be anything you want to be.  A doctor, a teacher, a veterinarian, a pastor, whatever you can dream up.  But too many of you over the years have already decided by age 10 that you don't care.  You don't want to try.  You don't want to work hard.  And as much as I have tried to match your attitude, it just isn't in me to not care.  Which is why I get so frustrated with you at times.  Because I can see things that you can't see and I try so hard to speak truth and love into your young life, but I can't make you want to learn and try and grow.  That is something only you can find for yourself.

I hope to one day be on the front row at your high school and college graduation.  I hope to one day have you as my own doctor or veterinarian.  I hope to see you achieve more than you ever thought possible.  But that all starts with the attitude you have today.  I am going to do my best and continue to pray that God will give me patience in this process and wisdom in how to best teach and love you.  I have not given up on you.

Jumble of Thoughts

Y'all... I feel like my brain is on overdrive with thoughts, questions, doubts, and worries these days.  Anybody else ever feel like that?  Honestly, the last 4 months since I returned from Africa have been a challenge.  That experience stirred up so much inside of me that I am still trying to make sense of.  These days I feel like I am constantly wrestling to understand my purpose and my place for the present and the future.  AND I NEED TO KNOW THE PLAN!  It is soooooo hard for me to not know what is next, which I'm pretty sure is exactly why God is keeping me in the dark right now.

I so long to be experiencing life in a different culture while sharing the hope of Jesus with other people around the world.  BUT... what if it's hard?  What if I feel lonely?  What if I get homesick?  What would I do with my house?  What would I do when I come back?  What about money?  What if it's scary, dangerous, etc.?

BUT... what if I stay?  This year has been a HUGE struggle with me in teaching.  I am extremely frustrated, exhausted, and flat burnt out.  I have lost the joy of teaching and have really wrestled with wondering if I am truly an effective teacher.  Is that because I didn't really have a summer?  Or because I've had some of the same kids for over a year now?  Is that because I've been doing this for 10 years now?  Or is that because I tasted something this summer that lit a spark in my heart for something different?  I DON"T KNOW!  And that drives me crazy.  I am such a problem solver and feel that every problem needs a clear solution.  But things right now for me are muddy and messy.  

Which is why this leaves me in a place where daily I find myself crawling back to the feet of my Savior and asking him what?  when?  how?  where?  And for now I literally visualize Him sitting in front of me with a finger covering His lips to silence me and all of my questions.  He gently whispers to me, "Just trust me." And then He lets me choose whether I will be obedient or let my thoughts, questions, doubts, and worries take over.

My recent vocabulary includes: desperate, dependent, discontent, discouraged, disappointed, drained (okay so once I started with the "d" words I had to continue because at least for right now I'm a teacher and that's how we roll).

So, what's next?  Not a clue.  Where will I be this time next year?  I have no idea.  Will I make it to May with these kids?  I sure hope so.  If I don't teach, what else will I do?  Not sure.  Right now I just continue to see question marks and no periods and in this moment, right now, I am choosing to trust Him.  I am choosing to rest solely in Him.  I am choosing to take each day and ask for open eyes to see the ministry in front of me right now and the opportunities to touch other people's lives.  I am choosing to allow the refining process to happen (even though it really sucks) in the hopes that this is all preparing me for what's next.  Period.  The End.

Partners in the Gospel

Partner - a person who takes part in an undertaking with others, often involving shared risks and profits

8,270 miles away and across 8 time zones I was blessed to witness a beautiful picture of what it looks like to be partners in the gospel with a community of believers from a different background, culture, and continent.  Each day, our American team of 10 partnered with 8 Tanzanians to achieve our common goal.  Our combined team was also able to equip over 10 local pastors and 5 local medical trainees.  We greatly depended on each other to help achieve our goals.  If our team of 10 had shown up in the village without the support of our Tanzanian friends we would have seriously struggled.

There were two memorable moments when this partnership was so evident.  One was on Thursday of our trip.  I remember standing in a corner of the church getting a sip of water and taking a minute to look around.  I was overwhelmed when I realized that the clinic was mainly being run by the people we had trained.  One of our goals was to leave behind people who were trained in how to assess basic medical needs.  It was amazing to see this in action.

The second time I was blessed by this partnership was on our last day in Dihombo village.  Mari Beth, our team leader, had come down with a nasty stomach bug.  Pastor Joel asked that she be escorted into the church so that we could pray over her.  She came in and sat in a chair in the middle of a circle that included our team, our Tanzanian team, the pastors she had poured into throughout the week, and members of the church congregation.  We stood together as one and lifted up unified prayers for healing.

"I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:3-6

Gracious and Giving

"When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required." - Luke 12:48  

According a top economist you need just $34,000 annual income to be in the top 1% of the world's richest people... and HALF the world's richest people live in the U.S.  So by the world's standards most of you reading this blog are considered "wealthy".  We are blessed to live in this great country with so many resources, opportunities, and "things" that make life  comfortable.  But if you are like me you often don't look at all of these "things" as gifts God has given us to make spreading the gospel that much easier.  But what if we realized that God has given us much because He requires much?  What if we understood that all of these blessings are given to us to bless others?

What joy is found when we eagerly give away the things God has blessed us with in the hopes that it will encourage and help our fellow brother and sister in Christ?  What beauty there is when we come before the Lord with open hands instead of clinched fists and ask that He show us how to live a life that is poured out as an offering.  Man, I was convicted of this over and over again while in Africa.  In 2013 the average income in Tanzania was $860. The people that we were able to minister to have so little, but in many ways have so much more because they understand the joy of giving.  

One day as I was eating my lunch on the bus I had several precious children bring me beautiful flowers.  Such a precious gift.

Another day I was talking to several kids and trying (in odd sign language and broken Swahili) to find out what they were eating.  The next thing I knew I had one child go pick a mango for me and another child offered me some homemade candy.  They were so eager to share what little they had.  

Another thing that struck me was how content the people were to wait.  Some people would show up early for the clinic and they would sit patiently and wait until their name was called to be seen.  I worked in the pharmacy for the majority of the week.  One day this precious elderly man came up to the pharmacy and politely told our nurse/interpreter that he was still waiting for his prescriptions.  We looked back through the stack of forms and found that his only had a recommendation by the doctor to see an ophthalmologist, but no prescriptions to be filled.  Nurse Monica relayed this to him and he smiled, said "Thank You" and left.  What?  I would have climbed over that table and throttled the "pharmacist".  I would have yelled and pitched a fit that my time is precious and are you kidding that I just waited here for hours for nothing?  And that is ugly to realize.  I was reminded of this gracious man when I went to the post office earlier this week to attempt for the 5 gajillionth time to straighten out my mail.  I pray that I will constantly be reminded of the gracious and giving hearts of these incredible Tanzanian people!

Lord, give me the boldness to give until it hurts.  Give me an eternal perspective instead of an earthly view.  Let my life be poured out for the sake of making your name known to the ends of the earth.

"But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven..." - Matthew 6:20

Perspective

I'm starving.
So annoyed... I had to wait 10 minutes in line at Wal Mart.
Ugh... I don't have anything to wear.
I'm bored.
I had to park so far away.  All of the front spots were taken.

You know what stinks... When God slaps you in the face with your selfish, lazy, self-centered mindset  (like slaps you hard and it stings and maybe makes you tear up a little).  But you know what's awesome... When He uses that stinging slap to wake you up out of your narcissistic stupor and opens your eyes to a more fulfilled life.  In America it is so easy to slip into this way of life because we have everything right at our fingertips and we have become spoiled.  But when I saw the joyful faces of so many people who by American standards have nothing, I was instantly convicted.  And for that I am thankful.

I have uttered the above statements more times than I can count.  But my prayer now is that the Lord would remind me in those moments of my precious friends in Africa and their joyful and content attitudes.

"I'm starving."  I have no idea.

"So annoyed... I had to wait 10 minutes in line at Wal Mart."  We had people come to the medical clinic who waited for hours without ever complaining.  Lord, teach me to be patient.

"Ugh... I don't have anything to wear."  This adorable little nugget was one of the most joyful children I have ever been around.  Does he look worried about his torn shirt?  He had on the same clothes several times and could care less.  

"I'm bored."  The children of Dihombo village were content to play games, sing songs, or just sit and be.  This is a picture of one of the pastors who joined in as we were trying (unsuccessfully) to play a game that the kids taught us.  You draw eight squares in the dirt and try to get a rock into each square without missing any of the squares.  Oh, and you can only hop on one foot.  I am sure with an extra year of practice I could have dominated this game.  We played red light/green light, follow the leader, hopscotch, limbo, and sang songs with the kids and they never complained of being bored.

"I had to park so far away.  All of the front spots were taken."  This is a picture of the pastors who showed up every day to be trained and taught by Mari Beth.  One of them walked all the way from the top of a nearby mountain each day.  

Lord, give me eyes to see the blessings that I have become so used to.  Help me not take these things for granted and show me how I can use the blessings you have given me to be a blessing to those around me and around the world.  

This video perfectly summarizes the difference between first world "problems" and third world joys.  Third World Joys

Beauty Beyond Measure

If you are like me I have always pictured Africa as dry, hot, sandy, and flat.  I am sure there are areas of this enormous continent that match that description, but I was shocked to find that Tanzania is anything but flat and sandy.  Over the eight days I spent in Tanzania I was continuously awestruck by the beauty of God's creation.

From the green, mountainous landscape

To the beautiful smiles of precious children

To wild animals grazing in what I imagine Eden was like

To the bright colors that were everywhere

Clayton, one of my team members, challenged each of us early in the week to live in the moment and fully embrace each experience of this trip.  He told us to just "eat the peach" and not think about the next thing on the to-do list or what was happening back at home, but to truly "taste and see that the Lord is good".  Man, that is hard for me, but so rewarding to slow down and appreciate God's creation.  I am continuing to challenge myself with this now that I am home and the pace is much more hurried and hectic.  I challenge you to do the same... stop and smell the roses, slow down, breathe deep, be still, eat the peach.

Meet My Team

I am amazed at how God continuously blesses me with the opportunity to be a part of some amazing teams and communities of believers.  The Tanzania Team was no exception.  Throughout this experience you get really close to people really fast.  I have found that the more open and vulnerable I am willing to be, the more I get out of being a part of a group with a common purpose.  We laughed (LOTS), talked (okay, I asked 1 gajillion questions and my teammates graciously answered), cried, encouraged, and prayed our way through this experience.  I would love to introduce you to my amazing team (From left to right):

Fred Miller: Trip Co-leader, Medical Clinic Logistics, Tippy Tap Engineer
Jordan Robbins: Fellow bootleg pharmacist
Amanda DeMauro: Eye Clinic Assistant
Mari Beth Poor: Trip Leader, Pastoral Training Leader, Blogger Extraordinaire
Me: Bootleg Pharmacist, Child Hugger
Beth Shires: Medical Clinic Vitals
Zach Whiting: Medical Clinic Floater/Helper/Murse, Team Medic, Thigh Purse Wearer
Clayton Davie: Medical Clinic Trainer for 5 Village Trainees, World Traveler who kept us all from ending up in Thailand with no luggage
Victoria Brake: Eye Clinic Assistant, Roomie
Danny Rausch: Medical Clinic Vitals, Videographer, Worship Leader

I have much love and respect for each of these new friends and I am excited to see how God will continue to use our experience to stretch, challenge, and change us.

I Left My Heart In Africa

On May 20th I met my nine teammates at the Birmingham airport at 5:00 a.m. to set out on an adventure that would change my life.  If you know me, then you know that I am a verbal processor.  I need to talk through things to process them, so I decided to resuscitate my blog in order to do this.  I would love for you to join me as I unpack everything I saw, experienced, felt, and learned over the past 12 days.  I will do my best to remember everything so I can give you a small peek into what God has done in and through my team through this incredible experience.  Thank you all for your prayers and support.  I took a little peace of each of you to Africa with me.  I hope I was able to love the people of Tanzania half as well as I have been loved in my life by each of you!

Boasting in Weakness

I was reading my Bible this morning and came across such a great lesson from Paul.  At one point Paul found himself with a very frustrating and uncomfortable thorn in his flesh.  He asked God three times to remove it, but God refused replying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Now Paul could have been frustrated, mad at God, felt sorry for himself, etc.  But Paul so beautifully responds, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 
In my book this week I also read "Many make the mistake of approaching weight loss armed with sheer will-power and self-determination.  Even though they have committed Philippians 4:13 to memory, the emphasis and enthusiasm is directed toward, 'I can do everything.'  Unfortunately, the part of the verse that says 'through Him who gives me strength' becomes little more than an afterthought."
Instead of boasting in my weakness and admitting that I am incapable of self-control and self-discipline while relying solely on His strength, power, and grace I tend to beat myself up and throw in the towel at the first mistake.  God created us to be dependent on Him, but all too often we either become dependent on other people or things that will certainly fail us or at the opposite end of the spectrum we pride ourselves in being completely independent not needing help or support from anyone or anything.  I tend to swing back and forth between the two and neither has led to happiness or success.  I am looking to stay in that happy balance smack-dab in the middle where I am wholly dependent on Him and admitting that I cannot do this on my own will and determination.  Why is it that we would be so quick to pray over cancer in our body or an alcohol addiction, but we feel weak praying over our eating and exercise habits? 
Whatever your "thorn" is, seek God and His strength at this time.  Ask Him what lesson He is trying to teach you by allowing the thorn to cause discomfort and frustration.  Let's boast in our weakness so that we may fully understand and experience Christ's amazing power! 

Start and Stop... Week 1

One thing I have learned from years and years of dieting is that I tend to set myself up for failure if I try to cut out and/or start too many things at one time.  For example, if tomorrow I cut out all carbs, caffeine, and sugar AND also decided to start working out for one hour a day five days a week, I would most likely last until tomorrow around 9:00 a.m.  Which is why I have learned that baby steps are the key.  That being said, I am going to tackle one thing a week to start doing and one thing to stop doing. 
For this first week I have decided that my "START" will be to start tracking again using the myfitnesspal app.  I know it works.  I have used it pretty consistently over the past 20 months, but have fallen out of the habit these past 2 months. 

My "STOP" this week will be to stop drinking anything other than my morning coffee (can't give that up... my 7:15 class would agree) and water.  I have slid into the habit of looking for an afternoon pick me up with a Diet Coke and an evening calm me down with a (large) glass of wine.  Neither of these things are awful, but I have become too emotionally attached to both :)

Accountability

I'm back.  Yes, I know it's been about a year since I have blogged, but here I am.  And I'm prepared to be uncomfortably honest, transparent, and real with you.  So get ready! 

As you all know I have a constant battle that can frustrate me to no end.  Over the past two months I have unfortunately been losing this battle, but I am tired of losing, so I am waging war and calling on you to help.  My battle may look different from yours because mine comes in the form of cupcakees, cheese dip, and chocolate.  Since puberty when my body totally turned on me and started collecting pounds like a hobby, I have struggled with my weight.  I have been as heavy as 271.4 pounds (yes, that is the exact number that was seared into my brain when I vowed that come hell or high water I would NEVER see that number again) and as low as 175 pounds and everywhere in between.  My weight constantly fluctuates based on whether or not I am putting forth effort in the battle or giving in to the temptation of Gigi's and vowing to start again on Monday. 

I worked my butt off over the summer.  I was at the gym pretty much daily and tracked my food and calories... and lost about 3 pounds, which only discouraged me.  Then I had my birthday and school started back and football season came and the excuses quickly piled up and now here I am welcoming back those 3 pounds and about 7 of their closest friends. 

But, today I am putting my foot down and resolving to go back to what I know... eat well, eat less, and move more.  I have started reading a book that provides 50 days of encouragement, challenge, and renewal of the mind.  The first thing the book recommends is finding an accountability partner.  That is where you come in to play.  I figured why just one, why not as many people as I can round up to challenge, encourage, and push me toward my ultimate goal of being healthy, strong, and victorious in winning this battle.  I would appreciate your accountability, especially over these next 50 days.  A text to ask if I've been to the gym.  An email to remind me to put down the donut.  Encouragement that the Lord has given you in your own battle.  Whatever it may be, I would appreciate it.  I will also use my blog as an outlet to hold myself accountable by sharing successes and challenges.  Please feel free to share this with anyone else you know that struggles with their weight. 

I am proud of how far I have come over the past 20 months, but still have more to go!  The picture on the left was taken in September 2011 and the picture on the right was taken in August 2013.

Eyes on Him

One of my favorite people in the Bible is Peter.  I can relate to him a lot more than I would like to admit.  He tends to say and do the wrong things.  He can make poor decisions out of fear or insecurity about what others will think of him.  But, Jesus loves him and believes in him even when Peter cannot see that for himself.  One of my favorite stories in the Bible is when Jesus walks on the water (Matthew 14).  Peter struggles with faith at times, but later is the first to proclaim that Jesus is indeed the promised Messiah.  I can relate.  I feel like over the past few years I have been on a faith journey and I feel like, just like Peter, there have been times when Jesus has called me to back up my words with action. 

 

"Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said.  So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus."

Jesus calls him out of the boat and he obeys.  But, his faith quickly waivers when he feels the wind pick up and sees the sea begin to churn at his feet.  I imagine he looked down to see how bad the waves were.  He took his eyes off Jesus and immediately began to sink. 

“But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

How many times do I do this?  Circumstances get hard.  People disappoint me.  Things don't work out like I thought they would.  The wind and waves pick up strength and I lose my focus.  It is so hard sometimes in the midst of life's storms to remain focused on Him and keep stepping forward in faith, putting one foot in front of the other.  Can you relate?  Are you in the middle of a storm and have lost your focus?  Be encouraged!  There is hope!

"Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

Don't you think it would have been easy for Jesus to fold him arms and shake his head at Peter for a few seconds?  But he is full of mercy and rich in love.  He immediately grabbed him.  He does the same for us.  He sees us floundering in the middle of the waves that threaten to pull us under and He reaches out and grabs us.  He reminds us that we have no reason to doubt that He will see us through, because He has done it before and He will do it again.  His promises ring true.  If you are in the middle of a storm, reach out and take His hand.  Refocus on his hope and strength to see you through.  If you aren't in the middle of a storm, you will be so remember when the wind starts to whip and the waves start to get bigger and bigger, keep your eyes fixed on the One who will see you through. 

Light Up the Sky

 

If you don't live in Alabama, then you have missed out on some of the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets.  At the start of this new school year I was participating in the 21 Days of Prayer through my church, which meant I was leaving my house at 5:30 a.m.  For anyone who has never gotten up that early, it is dark.  Like, really dark.  But one of the perks of leaving my house so early was getting to see some of the most beautiful sunrises.  One morning as I was running late and feeling overwhelmed by what the day ahead would entail I felt like God was whispering to me, "Enjoy this quiet moment and look at the sky.  I painted this for you."  Another day the song "Light Up the Sky" was playing in my car and the words just seemed to fit perfectly.  It was such an awesome reminder of how BIG my God is.  I pray He continues to "open my eyes so I can see Him all around me."

 

Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me

Family

I love my family!  We are a close bunch.  I typically talk to my mom and sister at least once a day. 

Over the years I have had the privilege of being a part of other "families".  My school family has been a huge blessing, especially on those days when I am overwhelmed, burnt out, frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, etc.  I know that I can turn to any of these family members and they will be there to encourage and love on me.  My first few years I was part of one great family and I continue to see those girls for dinner at least every other month.  Then we were scattered and I became part of a new family.  "Team M" has been my amazing school family over the past 3 years and they are a huge reason why this change is bittersweet.  I want to take them with me because they are amazing teachers and friends.  I hope the new teacher in room 120 knows how very lucky they are to become part of this family. 

I have also been blessed with an amazing church family.  I grew up in a phenomenal church and youth group.  I struggled through college and my early 20's to find somewhere that I loved as much as where I grew up, but then God led me to Church of the Highlands where I stepped into a family of believers that are on fire for God and want to learn, grow, and serve more than I ever have before.  The passion and enthusiasm are contagious.  The below picture is my Haiti family.  The 12 of us are tied together by this experience and they will continue to be a part of my life. 

"It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart..." - Philippians 1:7

Faithful Friends

Throughout my life I have been blessed over and over with amazing friends.  Starting in middle school God surrounded me with a group of girls that challenged and encouraged me.  These girls continue to be a part of my life nearly twenty years later.  We have been through heartbreak, loss, love, celebrations, and so much more.  But even after all this time I know that I can count on them to cover me in prayer, encourage me, laugh or cry with me.  We have been through lots together over the past few years and our bond has proven to be strong and faithful.  When someone sends out a text or email that they need us, we are there without delay.  "A friend loves at ALL times..."

Over the past several years I have also been blessed with a group of amazing friends through my church.  They have stretched me, challenged me, and encouraged me in my walk with Christ.  It is so neat to look back and see how and when I met each of these dear friends.  I know that they have each come into my life according to His timing.

Over the past few weeks I have been humbled by the way these friends have loved, encouraged, and helped me prepare for a new school, a new year, and a new perspective.  Several friends came up to my school and helped clean, dust, throw away, rearrage, etc.  I was feeling very good about the progress and felt like one more full day in my room should be enough to finish everything up.  I was overwhelmed when I walked into my lab last Thursday and found curtains hung, boxes unpacked, shelves painted, etc.  On Wednesday of last week my precious friend Lauren coordinated with several of my friends and they came up to my school and worked to make my new home bright, clean, and happy.  I just kept walking around the room touching everything and saying "Oh my gosh!  Oh my gosh!"  I was blown away by such a selfless act of service, but not surprised that these friends were willing to do so much for someone else because that is the kind of people they are... Amazing people!

The song link above is so perfect to describe these people that I am blessed to call friends.  Some I have known for more than half my life and some I have only met within the past few months, but I know that God has brought each of them into my life and I am thankful.

Something brought you to my mind today

I thought about the funny ways

You make me laugh

And yet I feel like it's ok to cry with you

Something about just being with you

When I leave I feel like I've been near God

And that's the way it ought to be, yeah

‘Cause you've been more than a friend to me

You fight off my enemies

‘Cause you have spoken the truth over my life

And you'll never know what it means to me

Just to know you've been on your knees for me

Oh, you have blessed my life

More than you'll ever know

You Move Me

"Oh but You move me.

You give me courage I didn't know I had.

You move me on

I can't go with You and stay where I am

So You move me on."

I was laying in bed last night thinking about all that has transpired over the past few weeks and this song came to my mind.  I have not thought of or heard this song in a long time, but it seems so fitting for where I am right now. 

I was also thinking about the fact that this song was on a mix tape that my friend Stacey made back in high school.  I remember her loving the words to this song.  How fitting these words are for her now, too. 

Tomorrow begins a whole new chapter of my life and I am beyond excited.  You all know me well enough to know that I am typically overwhelmed and anxious when it comes to change of any sort, but this is all such a testament to "the peace that passes understanding" because from the moment I was offered the job and assured that this was indeed where God was leading me I have not felt nervous or anxious at all (even after finding a box of dead frogs in the lab).  He is faithful.  I am blessed.  

Plans

Hello my name is Meredith and I am a planner.  I like checklists.  I like details.  I like to know what to expect.

But, faith in action requires us to step out not knowing what the plan is or any of the details. 

Haiti was a big test of faith for me.  A little over a month before the trip we changed locations and increased the trip cost by $400.  I really had to pray through whether or not I should go on this trip and I felt God continually whisper to me that this was part of the reason He led me to this trip.  Not knowing the plan is out of my comfort zone, but God doesn't always want us to be comfortable.  Leading up to the trip I heard the term "graciously flexible" at every turn.  I asked lots of questions and had others asking me questions pertaining to the trip where the response continued to be "I don't know."  And the closer we got to leaving for Haiti the more I was okay with not knowing.  I knew I was being obedient and that was all that mattered.  God knew the plans and I trusted that He was in charge. 

This test of faith has continued here at home, too.  On the trip I had some conversatoins with Ellen (our team leader) about the school she teaches at.  I was intrigued and let her know I might be interested in the future if there was ever a position available.  Eight days after I mentioned that God provided the opportunity for me to teach at Cornerstone Christian School in Woodlawn.  I had lots of questions and "what ifs", but I also had 100% faith that this was where God was leading me and the next part of His plan for me.  So, even though I don't know what to expect on August 1 when I start my new job and I don't know the details about how to teach middle school Science in an inner city school, I know that God's plans are way better than mine and I know that He's got me right where He wants me and there is no place I'd rather be.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11